


RC #333, Mission #13: Girls’ Night Out

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #333 [18]
Category: Fairy Tail, Naruto, One Piece, Protectors of the Plot Continuum, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate tagline: In which a little basic human decency goes a long way., Baleful Polymorph, Character Development, Crossover, Department of Floaters, Department of Implausible Crossovers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, LITERALLY, New Recruit - Freeform, PPC Mission, SkarmorySilver's Favorite PPC Missions, Sporking - Freeform, badfic, character replacement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-09-29 08:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 32,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17199650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: “Some day soon, we may be fighting some really bad guys, and when that day comes, I wanna fight with you! Together! So please… Won’t you share this jam with me?”—Steven Universe,Steven UniverseS2E6: “Sworn to the Sword” (2015)In which Lapis and Sarah try — and fail — to host a PPC-edition slumber party.(Co-written with eatpraylove and James Shields)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia. The _Pokémon_ franchise (Lapis’ home continuum) belongs to Nintendo, Satoshi Tajiri, and Game Freak. _Kid Icarus_ (Violet’s home continuum) also belongs to Nintendo. _The Incredibles_ (Sarah’s home continuum) belongs to Pixar and Brad Bird. _Big Hero 6_ (Seung-Li’s home continuum) belongs to Disney, Marvel Comics, Don Hall, and Chris Williams. _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_ (Ami’s home continuum) belongs to Hasbro and was created by Lauren Faust. _Digimon_ (Aiko’s home continuum) belongs to Bandai. _Steven Universe_ belongs to Rebecca Sugar. _One Piece_ belongs to Eiichiro Oda. _Fairy Tail_ belongs to Hiro Mashima. _Naruto_ belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Agents Lapis Lazuli and Sarah Squall belong to SkarmorySilver, as does Technician Seung-Li Kim. Agent Ami Seeker belongs to eatpraylove. Agent Violet Rose Greenfield was originally written by goat_lover4444, was recruited to the PPC by SkarmorySilver, and is currently owned by eatpraylove. Agent Aiko Kimura belongs to James Shields.  
> The fic being sporked, ["Project Conversion"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11167917/1/Project-Conversion), belongs to [Emma Iveli](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/892813/Emma-Iveli), who may kindly keep it.
> 
> \- **Betas:** S.M.F. and Mattman the Comet.
> 
> \- **Rating:** T/PG-13 - For several instances of crystalline violence, emotional turmoil all around, mentions of offscreen body horror, inappropriate language use by multiple characters concerned, general difficulties among multiple characters concerned, and horrifying implications on the badfic's part.
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** November 3, 2016 - one day before the 3-year anniversary of the _Steven Universe_ TV series premiere, and one week before Donald Trump was elected POTUS. :(
> 
> \- **Original Documents:**  
>  \-- [Part One](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gsNSgm4wJTtbXHtoJrM19sH6XMNQRP0keFn_2cXUadA/edit?usp=sharing)  
> \-- [Part Two](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-b3BsUvYwxwg1NTV49PNkRaFF-z54-bTz39erwqzbC0/edit?usp=sharing)
> 
> \- [Hi-def illustrations](https://imgur.com/a/QFJNeMS)

Cover Illustration: "[Girls' Night Out - Cover Illustration](https://www.deviantart.com/skarmorysilver/art/Girls-Night-Out-Cover-Illustration-625992341)" by [SkarmorySilver](https://www.deviantart.com/skarmorysilver)

 

> “Some day soon, we may be fighting some really bad guys, and when that day comes, I wanna fight with you! Together! So please… Won’t you share this jam with me?”
> 
> —Steven Universe, _Steven Universe_ S2E6: “Sworn to the Sword” (2015)

 

**Pre-Mission**

 

Lapis could only stare helplessly as the device that could very well seal her doom drew ever closer. She had dreaded this moment, tried to plan around it, avoided it as much as she could, but now, her fate had found her, and she was powerless to escape.

Her mind was screaming at the top of its voice, but she had no energy to utter even the tiniest whimper. There was no fight in her left. All of her efforts to save herself had been for nothing.

The needle-sharp implement began lowering towards her exposed flesh, closer and closer. She squeezed her eyes shut, and made her final wish: that it would be over quickly.

Thankfully, it was. Dr. Appleday never took more than five seconds to draw blood, after all.

“That should do it,” he said after he’d applied the band-aid to Lapis’ arm and rolled her sleeve back down. “I’ll have your sample evaluated sometime this weekend, and I’ll _also_ be sure to have it checked with the DMSE&R for good measure. You should hear back from me early next week, I think.”

“Thanks,” said Lapis. She flexed and wiggled the fingers of her prosthetic, as though testing them to see if they still worked. “I’d have gotten to you about this sooner, but I was busy with a ton of other things.”

“Understandable,” the doctor replied, capping the syringe containing Lapis’ blood before storing it in an airtight container. “I’m honestly curious, though. You’ve been de-glittered twice now, and you’ve received a lot of consultation besides. Is there any reason you’d want a blood test?”

Lapis sighed a little white puff. “I don’t know. It’s just… I still don’t _feel_ right, even after everything. I've been an agent for a year now, and I don’t know how glitter-free I am, but I’m a lot better at that than I once was. But even so, the entirety of HQ _hates_ me! Even my own partners are mad at me! It’s almost like I’m relapsing into the monster I was in my homefic…”

Appleday turned towards her with a friendly expression. “Lapis, you’ve grown a lot since you’ve started out as an agent. But you just haven’t developed the willpower yet to become more than just a flat, stagnant annoyance. Self-righteous irritability notwithstanding, of course.”

“That’s not the point!” Lapis used Double Slap on her own forehead, gritting her jagged teeth. “I’m sick and tired of having this angsty backstory! I don’t want any of those amazing Deus-Ex-Machina-style deeds! I just want to exist and develop like a _normal_ OC…”

She felt Appleday’s hand on her shoulder and relaxed a little. He spoke a moment later: “I know it must be hard for you, Lapis. It was also hard for me and Rashida, and your friend from the DMS as well. But your history isn’t the biggest reason for your being a lot less likeable than you could stand to be.”

Lapis looked somewhat downcast as she took this in. “But Doc, even without everything I’ve been through since joining the PPC, I still don’t know who — or _what —_ I am. A Pokémon trainer? A waterbender? A gateway between worlds? An incarnation of a force of nature that isn’t even canon? For all I know, I could be all of these things and none.”

He paused, as though thinking. “I suppose there is indeed a lot of inner conflict, what with you being a walking crossover and the like. But I still feel that you’re focusing on the wrong problem.”

She gave him an annoyed look. “How could you say that?! I know what I _was_ , and I was a Sue! A bratty, petty, mean-spirited, thoroughly unlikeable _Sue!!_ And I don’t want to go back to being like that again, not in the heart of an organization that _kills Sues_! It’s not that hard for you to understand that, come on!”

Ever a patient man, Appleday sighed in mild exasperation. “Look, Lapis… I know you’re concerned, but you are _not_ going to be killed off just because you were a Sue once. I’ve had _plenty_ of ex-Sues visit me before, and they didn’t worry about that possibility. And as for how you feel about yourself… Well, do you remember my home continuum? _Wreck-It Ralph_?”

She nodded. “What about it?”

“Clyde, the orange ghost from _Pac-Man_ , gave Ralph some sound advice that may apply here: _You can’t change who you are._ ”

“ _The sooner you realize that, the better off you and your life will be_ ,” Lapis finished. But then she looked away, still feeling downcast. “But I already told you, I know who I _was_. But I don’t know who or even _what_ I am _now_.”

Again, the doctor smiled with sympathy. “I may not be working in FicPsych, but I know you enough to say that I still have faith in you, even if everyone else doesn't. I know you’ll find the answer to that question soon enough.”

“But how soon is soon enough? It could take years, for all I know. I’ve waited too long already to understand myself, and I need answers _now_!”

He responded by patting her head, which helped calm her down. “Lapis, I don’t feel revulsion while talking to you… just pity, for obvious reasons. But at the same time, you’re one of the most loyal and persistent people I know. I’m sure you’ll eventually learn to accept yourself as a person, and more importantly, accept others’ attempts to understand you as well. Who knows? It may pave the way for you to do great things. The _right_ way.”

She smiled a little. “Well… Thanks, Doc. I guess. I’ll await your results next week.”

The doctor patted her head again. “Your partner will probably be wondering where you went, I think. Would it still be okay if I offered you a lollipop before you go?”

She chuckled dryly. “I don’t wanna be treated like a kid anymore, Doc. But you know what, you don’t still happen to have any Bluk Berry ones, do you?”

 

**********

Lapis kept thinking alternately about her conversation with the doctor and the flavor of the blueberry lollipop he’d given her while she walked back to her RC. She didn’t know what he’d meant exactly, but if what he’d said was true, maybe there was still hope for her after all. Of course, she still wasn’t convinced that she was mentally prepared for what the future held for her, but there was no way she could avoid it. She needed to know herself better if she was to keep her job here in the PPC, the only home she knew.

Still sucking on her weird-tasting lollipop, the blue-haired girl soon found herself in front of the door to her and her partners’ RC, and she could hear voices from inside engaged in a lighthearted conversation. She knocked, and a familiar voice replied. “Just a sec, I’ll get it!”

The door opened, and a teenage girl with a jet-black ponytail stood in front of Lapis with a cheery but slightly confused expression. “What took you so long, eh?” asked Sarah. “Our sleepover was supposed to start a half-hour ago, and I’ve already got two of our guests over!”

Lapis gave her partner a completely deadpan look and, without changing her expression, bit down on the lollipop, reducing it to sugary splinters. “Getting a blood test,” she replied once she’d swallowed the edible bits and taken the stick out of her mouth. “I’d been meaning to for a while, but I had a ton of other commitments. I only remembered just this evening.”

Sarah shrugged. “Well, I guess if it’s that important… Ah, well. Come on in anyway!”

Lapis tossed the lollipop stick in the nearest trash bin when she stepped inside. “So, who have you decided to drag in this t— _Holy Arceus, why didn’t you tell me you were friends with a PONY?!_ ”

Aside from Sarah and Lapis, there were two other people in the RC. One of them was an androgynous Korean with short black hair and purple highlights, whom Lapis recognized as Seung-Li. The other guest, and the reason for her squeeing, was a green unicorn with a curly brown mane and tail, a black hat, and a silver heart necklace. Lapis noticed that her cutie mark was a music note in a speech bubble.

The pony flinched slightly. “Well, you’re certainly… enthusiastic. You’re Lapis, right? Sarah mentioned your name on the invitation. I’m Ami Seeker, Floaters. Nice to meet you!” She held out a front hoof for Lapis to shake.

“Believe me, you have _no_ idea,” Lapis replied with an embarrassed laugh. “But yeah, I’m Lapis. I was told that your partner also came from the _Pokémon_ universe, right?”

Ami nodded. “Yeah, that’s right. Do you know Chris? I think you two might have met back when we had that weird beach episode thingie.”

“I heard about your last few missions, by the way,” said Sarah. “I’m sorry to hear of everything. You guys must’ve been going through some really horrible sh—er, shoe leather! Yeah, shoe leather.”

“From what I’ve heard, most badfics are _far_ worse than shoe leather,” Seung-Li replied. “I, for one, am glad my homefic was only of the so-so caliber. And at least leather is actually _useful_.” The tech snorted and looked away, blowing a bubble of gum.

“I’d believe you,” said Ami. “The last two we did definitely count as shoe leather, though. That son of a donkey in _Tokyo Mew Mew_ , and then that _horrible_ excuse for a Tenth Walker… I’m just grateful I’m already in therapy.”

Lapis decided to change the subject. “So, Sarah, how do you know Ami? Obviously you’d have had to have met her before if you’ve invited her to our RC.”

“I have, once or twice,” replied Sarah. “Adam would know more about her, though, seeing as he was the one who helped her out on her first mission. I figured I’d bring her in so I could get to know more about her and her team!”

Ami tilted her head to the left. “Who’s Adam?”

“Sarah’s nickname for Falchion,” said Lapis. “Her Stu brother from her homefic had that name, and Falchion is a sort of reincarnation of said Stu. That’s why Sarah is his adopted sister.”

“Really? He never mentioned he was a reincarnated Stu. Oh, I forgot to tell you earlier; Vi had to take care of something with the minis we picked up on a recent mission. She’ll be a little late.”

“Vi?” asked Lapis. Then a cross-vein appeared on her head. “Sarah, did you _seriously_ —”

“No connection, none at all!” Sarah had her hands raised, her expression exactly as one would expect from a girl staring down a mouthful of teeth like a great white shark. “Cupid’s ex, remember? You saw her at the Gift Exchange this past January.”

Lapis sweat-dropped, staining her collar as usual. “Oh, right! I totally forgot, sorry.”

Seung-Li had popped their gum back into their mouth. “You’re cool as a cucumber,” they replied. “And so is Violet, for that matter. As long as she shows her face at all, she should be just fine.”

“I thought you didn’t like her, eh?” asked Sarah. “You’ve met her before, back when I took you to FicPsych.”

“I’m content to tolerate her as long as she keeps to herself. But if she gives me a headache I’ll be more than happy to return the favor.”

“…Charming,” said Ami. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause problems, then.”

At that point, the doors opened again and a frazzled-looking blonde angel in purple and black entered. “Sorry I’m late, Sarah. The mini-Chimera Animas decided they didn’t like having Macha _or_ the Continuity Cats around and I had to help Chris break up the fight. And then Stantler and Delibird started fighting… and the mini-Balrogs tried to take over the closet again…”

“Remind me to learn a good strong force field spell,” Ami grumbled.

“Does anybody here want to adopt a mini-Missingno?” Violet asked the group at large. “We can’t take care of all the ones we have, and the plothole we stuffed them in only has so much space.”

“Sadly, we already have more than enough minis as it is,” said Sarah, ignoring Seung-Li’s “Hmph” some distance behind her. “Anyway, hi, Vi! Nice to see you again!”

“Hey, Sarah!” Violet grinned. “Any time I get to see you in a friendly setting is a good one. Who’s your friend with the blue hair? I’m guessing she’s the one who invited me and Ami?”

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m Lapis Lazuli, pronounced Lay-pis La-ZOO-lee. And no, I’ve got nothing to do with the _Steven Universe_ canon of the same name. I was created _years_ before that show began airing.”

Violet squeed. “You watch _Steven Universe_ too?! Awesome! Who’s your favorite? Mine’s Amethyst, though Connie’s gotten pretty impressive lately.”

“I’ll say,” replied Lapis. “How much of the show have you seen? I’m halfway through the second season, and it’s shaping up great. Aside from Canon!Lapis, my favorite gem has been Pearl ever since ‘Rose’s Scabbard’!”

“Really, that one? Where Pearl flips because she found out she wasn’t actually Rose’s favorite?” Violet shrugged. “Anyway, I think the most recent episode I saw was ‘Sadie’s Song.’ Sadie really reminded me of Ami in that episode for some reason. Maybe it was just the songwriting and the stage fright and the fears of being exploited?”

“I don’t have that fear. I think…” said Ami.

“Well, looks like you two are getting along,” muttered Seung-Li from the corner. “Meanwhile, I’ll just stand here, all alone, and try to think of a good use for the engine block that’s _still_ stuck in this wall.” They tapped rhythmically on said engine block with a finger.

Ami did a double take. “Whoa! How’d that thing get in the wall?”

“Long story,” said Sarah. “Anyway, that’s everyone, eh?”

“Uh, not quite,” said Violet. “I may have convinced a friend of a friend to come to the party.”

“Huh? Who?” asked Lapis.

A moment later, her question was answered. The doors opened a third time, and a girl with long brown hair and large blue eyes stepped through, clad in a leather coat over a yellow shirt and pink pants.

“Hi there,” she said. “Sorry I’m late, everyone — Wait, _she_ is here as well?!”  

Lapis stared at the new girl, then at Violet, and back to the new girl. She turned to Violet, very slowly, and then growled, “You. Brought. _HER_?!”

“What?” Violet replied defensively. “Anybody who takes on a _Sailor Moon_ bleepfic as their first mission deserves to come to a slumber party!”

“Whoa whoa, back up a sec,” said Sarah. “You know this gal?”

“Oh, yes, I certainly do,” Lapis growled, gnashing her serrated teeth. “Aiko and I have been on each others’ backs since my Nursery days. And _you_ ,” she said to Violet, “have the audacity to bring her here, knowing that I was one of the agents who was organizing this entire evening?!”

Violet tensed up and her wings fluffed out. “Look, I don’t know what your problem with her is, but Aiko and Anju are perfectly nice people, so would it kill you to show them basic respect?”

“They _weren’t_ nice to _me_ ,” Lapis replied with a razor-toothed scowl.

“I’m not exactly happy about this either, Lapis,” Aiko replied, glaring right back at her childhood rival. “I wasn’t aware that you would be here either. If I had been, I would probably have reconsidered.”

Sarah stepped in between the two girls. “Okay, stop that, _both_ of you. This Aiko gal is more than welcome to join us tonight, but that is _not_ an excuse for the two of you to rip into each other the way you’re doing right now. We invited you girls to this sleepover so we could all have a good time, get to know each other, and just hang out in good spirits in general.”

“Come on, please?” asked Ami. “I brought all the ingredients for s’mores and an extra pillow and cucumbers and everything!”

Lapis used Glare on both Ami and Sarah. “I’m sorry, but I’m _not_ in a good mood this evening, not anymore. I had my blood extracted for testing a half hour ago because even after _months_ of therapy I’m _still_ afraid I’ve got some residual glitter inside me, and the _last_ thing I need is for someone to start bitching at me about how I made the wrong choice by becoming an agent! I don’t know about the rest of you, but for my taste, this whole evening has been totally ruined! _Is there anything else that can possibly go wrong?!_ ”

**[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!]**

Lapis let out a terrified scream, before leaping onto the nearest vertical object. This happened to be Sarah, who suddenly found herself feeling around ninety pounds heavier.

“You just _had_ to ask that, eh?” Sarah muttered. Lapis, her arms and legs wrapped around Sarah’s neck and shoulders, responded with the nervous grin one would make when they knew they had just made a very big mistake.

“Now _our_ evening has been totally ruined,” Seung-Li said after a long, awkward pause.

“For Azulongmon’s sake, Lapis, why did you have to say that!?” Aiko groaned. “I guess something fun like an absolutely normal slumber party was too much to ask around here. As if a certain someone being here wasn’t bad enough…”

“Aiko, you need to chill,” said Violet.

“Hate to say this, but I second the angel,” added Seung-Li.

“You’ve had some bad run-ins with Cupid, haven’t you? That’s the only reason you’d hate agreeing with an angel.”

“Not exactly, but I do know about the time when he _drunk-drove a sixteen-wheeler straight through DoSAT_. And to think you actually dated him once…” The techie looked away and blew another gum bubble.

Violet frowned. “How many times am I going to have to explain that I genuinely thought he was Pit back then and that the Sue-wraith possessing him affected me, too?”

“Correction: He _was_ the Sue-wraith, and he got exorcised and purified _long_ before the thing with the truck!” Sarah replied, pinching the bridge of her nose.

As soon as Lapis climbed off of her, the Super strode over to the console and pushed the big red button. “Hmmm… Interesting.”

“I hope it’s not _that_ kind of interesting,” said Lapis, still trembling.

“Well… There’s good news, sort of. We only have to deal with four continua this time around.”

“Four?” Ami echoed.

“Well, didn’t Sarah already tell you her homefic had eleven continua at once?” asked Lapis. “This should be a piece of Pokéblock in comparison.”

“I guess I should be thankful that half of us know _Steven Universe_ ,” said Sarah.

“Make it two-thirds,” replied Seung-Li. “I’ve seen some of the eps and I know the plot for the most part. Assuming you need me, of course, which you probably don’t.”

“So besides that one, what are the other continua involved?” asked Aiko.

“ _One Piece, Fairy Tail,_ and _Naruto,_ ” said Sarah. “Unfortunately, I… _kinda_ don’t know those continua. Except the fact that Luffy and Naruto exist.”

“Then I think I could be of help, if you would still have me. I know a fair bit about _Naruto._ Since I’m here already anyway and got caught in this mess, I may as well join you.”

“Welcome aboard, Aiko,” said Violet. “I lost track of _One Piece_ around the Skypeia arc, but I’m sure I can get by.”

Ami pawed at the ground. “Um…I know about _Fairy Tail_ , but it’s been a while since I watched the show, sorry.”

Lapis gave Ami a skeptical look. “I do know some _Fairy Tail,_ at least, so there’s that. But the thing is, we’ve used Fictionaries before on missions. It’s not like the fact that the other continua are somewhat unfamiliar would be a problem.”

Sarah, however, remained unfazed. “You know what this means, eh?”

“Sarah, don’t say it—” Lapis began, but too late.

_“Girls’ night out!”_

Lapis facepalmed. “Dammit, Sarah!”

“We walked right into that one,” Ami laughed.

“Honestly? I don’t know if this is a good idea,” said Seung-Li. “If there were only _two_ agents who hired you, and they had to deal with _eleven_ continua at once, wouldn’t six of us look like a little too much for just four? Besides, I’m technically agender.”

Sarah regarded the techie with a raised eyebrow. “The reason Adam and Rosie were able to handle my homefic on their own, despite the sheer number of continua, was because there were only two Suvians who caused any significant harm. Well, there were two Villain Stus as well, but one of them is now Adam’s other partner, like it or not, and the other? Two words: Dino chow.”

Ami and Violet shuddered simultaneously.

“Well, when you put it that way… I guess we should be able to handle it,” Aiko replied. “Should be… interesting, I guess. I’m in Floaters, but this is actually my first mission involving a crossover. Still, I hope I may be of help.”

“Yeah, well, there are _three_ Suvians in this mission, I think,” said Sarah. “Or at least three characters, one from each anime, getting inserted into the SU continuum. And I don’t know how many more OCs there may be.”

“Wow, that sounds really, really bad,” said Aiko. “Probably one of the worst ones I have gotten yet — aside from my first one, that is,” she added, shuddering.

“I guess starting with a bleepfic _would_ make everything else seem tame by comparison,” said Violet.

“Maybe you five can go on ahead,” said Seung-Li. “Even if the rest of you want in, I’m not exactly sure if I’ll be of any use on this mission. I’m outta here.”

They were about to turn and leave the RC when Violet grabbed their arm. “Of course you’ll be useful! What if we have to disable Gem technology or something? I don’t know about the others, but Ami and I are both clueless about non-PPC or video game-related tech. Plus, knowing how something works from watching the show is completely different from hands-on experience with weird machinery.”

“I’m a _technician_ , not an _agent_. Big. Difference.”

“Yeah, but… well… Seeing as this continuum hasn’t been visited before in a mission, we could always use more gem technology, eh?” Sarah added; for some reason, she was surprisingly close to panicking.

The Korean tech thought about it for a moment and then sighed. “You know what, fine. _Fine._ I’ll page DoSAT and let them know that I’m scouting the fic for any viable gadgets to bring back with us. Gimme that console.”

Sarah and Violet exchanged relieved looks.

“Wait, what was going on with you two?” asked Lapis, forgetting to look annoyed with her partner for a moment. “You looked like Seung-Li’s bailing on us would mean the end of the world or something…”

“I wish I could explain, but we promised not to tell,” replied Sarah. “Anyway, disguises?”

Lapis pouted. “I’d have been extremely enthusiastic about the chance to show off my gemsona,” she said. “I just wish it didn’t have to be at a time like this, though.”

“Mine’s another Amethyst, but it’d be weird to have a duplicate of a canon character running around,” said Violet. “Are there any other purple gemstones I can use?”

“Not to make a cross-language pun, but have you considered Iolite?” asked Lapis. “It’s even got the same etymology as your first name, so I think it’ll do nicely.”

“That’s a terrible pun and I’m using it.” Violet smiled.

Seung-Li finished sending the notification. “I actually have a gemsona as well, so maybe I can use that if you insist on hauling me along. I’d prefer being _actually capable_ of defending myself, thank you.”

“Well, I’ll be going as a human,” said Sarah. “I’m bringing my ice sword, though, just in case. What about you two?”

“I guess I’ll stay human as well. I don’t know what a gemsona is, let alone have one prepared, so it’s probably for the best,” Aiko replied. “Just change me to the appropriate animation style and maybe clothes and we should be good.”

“Same,” said Ami.

“Well, that settles it,” said Sarah. “Oh, and Lapis? Why don’t you lead the way?”

Lapis whirled and let out an ear-piercing “ _WHAT?!_ ”

“Lapis, I know you’re upset. But we _need_ you for this mission, because the fact is, you’ve seen more episodes of _Steven_ _Universe_ than all of us save possibly for Vi. This fic is set in Beach City for the most part, and if there’s anyone who’d know what to do in that setting, it’s probably you.”

“But — Aiko —”

“Of _course_ you have problems with her. Suck it up. Disagreements amongst us are _not_ going to help our case, and besides, you _need_ to learn how to relate to people rather than secluding yourself in your little corner of wangst all the time. I’m sorry, but speaking as the lead untangler here, this is for your own good.”

Lapis had turned red in the face, anime-style, but she couldn’t argue with her partner’s reasoning. Instead, she chose to sulk and avoid looking at anyone while Sarah dialed the coordinates for the entry portal.

“Um, I have a problem,” said Aiko. “Since this was supposed to be a slumber party, I don’t have a weapon with me. It’s not like I carry my bow around on a daily basis, and I doubt that it would fit the canon anyway. Could you lend me one for today?”

“How good are you with a knife?” asked Violet, drawing her kitchen knife. “ _Steven Universe_ is one of the only places besides my home game where no one’s going to look twice at a blade made of water, so you can borrow this one if you want. Don’t worry, it’s just a regular kitchen knife, nothing fancy about it.”

“Well, luckily I’m well trained with knives as well, so that definitely works,” Aiko replied, taking the offered knife.

Sarah finished programming her disguise, and then stepped aside to let the others enter theirs. “Alright, so I guess we’re set, eh?”

“I’m ready,” said Ami. She pulled one of the cucumbers out of her bag and ate half of it.

Sarah chuckled, and then opened up a portal. “So am I. Take it away, Lapis,” she added to her partner.

Lapis looked at the portal and sighed hopelessly. There was no way she could back out of this, not with everyone else counting on her.

“Very well, then.” She took out her spray-paint and dyed her hair, just in case. “As the old saying goes, ladies first.”

 

 

********************

 

**Act One**

 

As soon as the portal closed behind them, the girls found themselves in a generic pre-fic space. They wasted no time in appraising each other’s looks; Sarah, Ami, and Aiko hadn’t changed much aside from the style change, save of course for Ami being in her human form.

“I feel like a filly,” Ami commented. “You think it’s a side effect of being in a kid’s show?”

“It could be, although I haven’t heard of anything like that happening before,” Aiko replied.

They turned and looked at the other three. Seung-Li was dressed in a sleek black spandex suit under a sleeveless yellow-orange vest with red contour lines, with purple gauntlets and knee pads with yellow trim, orange gauntlets and shin guards, and black boots. Their skin was pale yellow, and their hair was dark orange with pinkish highlights. Their oval-shaped gem — which was, of course, golden yellow — was visible near the bottom of their chest, over where the diaphragm would be on a human.

Violet, looking somewhat more muscular than in most of her disguises, had a darker, blue-tinted version of an Amethyst’s color scheme. She wore light blue gladiator sandals, purple gym shorts, and a loose-fitting gray workout shirt with a hole in the right shoulder to show off her vaguely rectangular gem, which was blue-violet from most angles, but looked darker or lighter blue at some others. She’d also kept her hoop earrings, ponytail, and drawstring backpack, but not her wings or laurel crown.

Last, but certainly not least, was Lapis. If anything, she resembled a younger Canon!Lapis with Sailor Moon’s hairstyle; her skin was now pale blue, and her ocean-blue clothing was adorned with lighter blue-green shoulder armor, breastplate, kneepads, and two plates dangling from the sides of her waist. Her midriff and feet were bare, and her round, bright blue gem was a little higher on her body than Seung-Li’s, at the base of her neck. Sadly, her right forearm was still missing, and in its place was a blue version of one of Peridot’s limb enhancers.

“Okay, I heard that Violet was going to be an Iolite or something,” said Sarah, “but who are you two supposed to be?”

“I’m Lapis Armenus now,” replied the blue gem. “I got the idea from my middle name being Armenus, after a gemstone related to lapis lazuli.”

“And me? Citrine(1),” said Seung-Li. “Closest color I could find to my canon counterpart’s hero outfit.”

“Makes sense to me,” said Sarah. “Now, when do we st—”

 

 

 

 

 

> **A/N: Yeah... I'm into Steven Universe... it's best summed up by Neodusk's comic fandumb particularly** **#41** (2), **although I got back into it not too long after On the Run... Anyways this idea popped into my head during the last couple weeks... For those that don't know I was sick for a couple weeks, and because I was sick in bed not writing anything else this wouldn't leave my head so I had to write it.**

 

Lapis, ever a majestic water gem of sophisticated grace, let out a high-pitched scream and leaped onto Sarah’s head and shoulders. Again.

“Dammit, Lapis!” cried Aiko. “Does that happen every time that, well, anything at all happens?”

“All too often,” said Sarah, still wearing a rather neurotic ninety-pound hat. “You get used to it after the fiftieth time, though.”

“Who’s Neodusk and what’s a ‘fandumb’?” asked Ami.

“No clue and a term for a fandom acting stupid,” said Violet. She pulled her Pocket Fictionary (which transformed into a smartphone) out of her backpack and began scrolling through it. “I’m guessing the author meant ‘fan _dub_ ,’ which is… ‘An audio dub of a webcomic done by fans of it, usually with added audio gags and some animated effects. See also: Abridged series.’”

“They have a _Steven Universe_ Abridged Series?!” asked Lapis, climbing off of Sarah.

“Given how the series has exploded on Tumblr with enough force to level half the continental U.S., I wouldn’t be surprised if they made one,” replied Seung-Li, having taken out a pack of bubble-gum from their pocket. They popped a wad into their mouth and then added, “If fanart of a show can crop up within _hours_ of the first episode airing, I suppose the same can be said for fan-videos in general.”

“I don’t think there’s enough material in each episode to abridge,” Violet pointed out. She touched the Fictionary to her gem; to her surprise, it vanished into the gem. “Holy shit, I have a gem of holding! …A-heh. As I was saying, they’re only eleven minutes long. It’d be like a hypothetical _Spongebob Squarepants_ abridged series.”

“ _Arceus, no!_ ” Lapis bared her teeth, which were still pointy and in six rows, and hissed like a cornered cat. “At least the _My Little Pony_ ones are entertaining, but…”

Violet flinched. “OK, OK, I’ll never mention it again. Also, I think the fic started when we weren’t looking.”

She was wrong, actually — what she’d _thought_ was the fic starting was actually what looked like a child’s puppet show stage made from a cardboard box appearing in front of them.

“That’s… very strange,” Ami commented. “Are we going to get a brief recap of one of the canons involved?”

That turned out not to be the case. A pair of sock puppets appeared behind the stage, one looking like a blue cat with wings and the other like a girl with glasses and a blue shirt. Almost immediately, Lapis reached into her bag and pulled out her camera, before snapping a photo.

“ **Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe, Fairy Tail, One Piece or Naruto if I did then Say Uncle wouldn't have happened... well until I had Steven Universe crossover with those anime!** ” said the glasses-wearing puppet.

“That’s one for the books,” Lapis muttered.

“ **But Emma owns Any OC that might pop into this story** ” said the cat puppet.

“ **What are you doing here? You're not in fic... maybe a cameo or a flash back but not the story proper...** ” cried the glasses-wearing puppet.

Violet opened her jaw, but no sound came out.

“At least Happy makes a cute sock puppet,” said Ami.

“Wait, you know who he is?” asked Lapis.

“Uh-huh. Happy is an Exceed, a magical animal who accompanies someone with Dragon Slayer Magic; in his case, the canon character Natsu,” Ami explained, mostly for everyone else’s benefit as opposed to Lapis’.

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “So, Cute Animal Friends are a thing in that continuum, eh?”

“I suppose you could call Happy that… I wouldn’t do it to Natsu’s face, though. He’d Fire Dragon’s Wing Attack you through several buildings.”

Before anybody could ask what she’d meant, the words “ **Chapter 1: A Mage, a Pirate and a Ninja** ” echoed overhead, and the world shifted around them. They found themselves on board some kind of spaceship… and all over each other in one big gem-and-human heap.

“Scene transitions,” Sarah groaned from the bottom of the pile. “The bane of my existence. Where’s my anti-emetic already?”

Ami climbed off the pile and offered a hand to Lapis.

Violet, meanwhile, turned into a snake and slithered her way out of the pile. “Thank you, Gem powers,” she said, resuming her human form.

All Aiko could manage was a strained “Ow…”

 

 

 

 

 

> **Deep in the reached of space, a lone Gem Ship flew. It was shaped like a hand like many ships but this one was decorated with many this ones it. The three things that were painted on was a strange emblem that resembled a fairy with a tail, a skulk and crossbones that wore a hat and a spiral that looked sort of like a leaf.**
> 
> **Not only that but the name of the ship was painted on: Forest Fairy.**

 

“…OK, then,” said Violet. Somehow, those two words encapsulated the weirdness of what she’d just seen.

“Those symbols aren’t supposed to mean anything, eh?” asked Sarah.

Lapis scowled. “I recognize the symbol of the Fairy Tail guild, but the ‘skulk and crossbones’ is new.”

“That’s supposed to be the Straw Hat Pirates’ logo,” said Violet. “Emphasis on ‘supposed’.”

“And that third one is the symbol of Konoha, the Hidden Leaf Village,” Aiko added, also scowling. “So we have symbols from three unrelated animes thrown together into something from a fourth, also unrelated continuum. This is really not a good start.”

“What do we do?” asked Sarah.

“Hide,” Ami suggested.

“Um, from who?”

Lapis pointed ahead. “From her.”

 

 

 

> **In the cockpit a gem with orange skin, short orange hair wearing a dark orange tank top and a dark orange skirt with rings on the side. Her gem was on her left shoulder and was an oval citrine. Instead of having a diamond on her clothes there was that skull and bones on her tank top.**
> 
> **She was using the keypad to listen to transmissions from the Gem Home world. She had just finished listening to one.**
> 
> **She went over to a microphone.**
> 
> **"Hey I have some interesting news…" said the gem.**

 

“Wow, they were almost subtle about her being the Nami replacement,” said Violet. “Calling her Gem!Nami is weird, though…anybody know any orange gemstones I could use instead?”

Seung-Li scowled and blew a gum bubble. “So much for me being the only Citrine in the house. I guess you’ll have to stick with just calling me Seung-Li, then.”

While the agents and the techie made themselves scarce, two more gems showed up at the cockpit. Both had white skin, but one had **long white hair that had her bangs up in a little ponytail** […] **a light pink sundress with the strange fairy logo on it and her gem was a milky quartz gem square on her chest** , and the other **long lavender hair and wore a lavender hoody and white pants along with a strange thing around her neck with a metal plate with the spiral leaf on it. Her gem was a circle on the back of her left hand and was a white moonstone.**

Lapis made a “gag me” gesture. “Eww. I can understand fan gem AUs and the like, but _another quartz?!_ Those are usually extremely powerful — and yes, that includes Steven. Long story.”

“I… Ugh, this is so frustrating!” said Ami. “I swear I’ve seen the white one with the ponytail before, but I don’t know who she is!”

“Great,” said Aiko. “That third one is Hinata Hyuga. Because of course this thing had to mess with pretty much my favorite character from the show. At least we should be thankful that is obviously a replacement, for once.” She glanced around at the other agents. “Hopefully, she won’t be smart enough to actually activate her Byakugan while we’re around, because otherwise, there’s no way we can hide from her.”  

“Oh, joy of all joys,” said Violet. “By the way, who’s keeping track of the charges for this mission? Sarah? La—er…?”

“Just call me Lapis Armenus,” said Lapis. “Or just Armenus, or even Pi if you _really_ want to embarrass me. And as for who’s got the chargelist, that’s a task for all of us. Well, at least those of us who know whichever continuum each charge applies to.”

“Including me, right?” asked Seung-Li.

Lapis, a.k.a. Armenus, balked a little at this. “Well… You’re technically here to collect gem tech, but… yeah. I guess you can help with the charges, too.”

 

 

 

> **"Are they attacking any of our planets?" asked the one with white hair.**
> 
> **"Thankfully no." sighed the orange gem, "But apparently they tried to redo they're plans on a planet called earth but they hit some road bumps."**
> 
> **"What?" asked the one with lavender hair.**
> 
> **"Well apparently thousands of years ago that planet was the site of a civil war and apparently the survivors are on that planet." Said the orange one.**

 

“What do you mean, ‘apparently’? You just established you could contact or at least listen in on Homeworld!” Violet commented. “Unless Homeworld’s being deliberately obscure or destroyed all the information on it — which would make sense given what happened to the fallen Gems — these three would know that Rose’s rebellion was historical fact!”

“I’ve done some reading, and you’re absolutely right,” said Armenus. “Garnet and Peridot _both_ mentioned that the war happened five thousand, seven hundred and fifty years ago. Garnet was actually _there_ when it happened — don’t ask how, it’s really spoilery. The only way they couldn’t have known was if they’d either been created after the fact, like Amethyst, or turned _from people into gems —_ which, if I’m not mistaken, is the entire _plot_ of this godawful fic!”

She turned to Sarah in the hopes of getting a confirmation of this, but then she noticed that the Super had a horrified look on her face.

“Yeah, I know,” said the blue gem. “We’re already seeing canon defilement right out of the gate!”

“No, it’s not that… Lapis? Er, Armenus? I want you to hold very, very still.” Sarah reached into her Bag of Holding and took out a very large, rolled up newspaper. “There’s something on your back.”

Beat. “Lemme guess,” said Armenus. “It’s got way too many legs?”

“Yes.”

“And it’s got giant jaws full of sharp teeth and acid spit, right?”

“Yes and yes.”

Armenus raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see anything.”

Sarah wasn’t quite convinced. “No sudden moves. Very slowly, turn around.”

Her partner complied. Almost immediately, the little thing chomped at Sarah’s newspaper and tore it in half before she could even move to smack it. It tried to jump at her, but she was quick enough to grab it and yank it off of Armenus, taking care to avoid the huge jaws even though they were still nomming on the paper.

The blue gem yelped and whirled around to face her, and had to cover her mouth so her scream wouldn’t give them away.

“Armenus, it’s okay! I’ll dispose of it ASAP, I promise!” Sarah looked around wildly, wondering if there was some kind of airlock to jettison the little green arthropod into space.

Armenus let out another high-pitched squeal. “IT’S SO CUUUUTE! No no, don’t throw it out!”

“ _What?!_ ” Sarah and Seung-Li cried at the same time, staring at her.

Armenus reached out to stroke the creature’s armor-plated head. It gurgled and turned to nuzzle her with its mandibles, revealing a single large eye in its mouth.

“Princesses, what _is_ that?!” cried Ami, panicking slightly.

“It’s a Centipeetle!” cried Sarah. “But what’s it doing here on the ship? I thought they showed up only on Earth or something!”

“Well, now we know what _Steven Universe_ minis look like,” Violet commented. “Anybody got some potato chips?”

“We must’ve missed her appearance by quite a margin,” said Armenus, taking the mini from Sarah. “You must be **Home world** , right?”

The mini gurgled in assent, dribbling gobs of corrosive saliva that made the floor at the girls’ feet begin to sizzle.

“We need to get it out of the way before it gets us flung into space,” said Seung-Li. “Look at it. How soon will it be before its drool starts eating through the floor of the ship?”

“Her,” Armenus corrected, having just taken a selfie with the mini. “And I’m keeping her, don’t worry. Not only is she the first known _Steven Universe_ mini, but _she. Is. Adorable._ ”

“How in the Dark Ocean that fits _anyone’s_ definition of adorable is just beyond me,” said Aiko.

Ami likewise shuffled nervously away from the blue gem.

Just then, the scene shifted around the agents, dropping them in another big heap. This time, they found themselves on a sandy beach, bordered by a wide selection of pastel-colored buildings.

“Once, just _once_ , I’d like to get a fic with clearly defined scene transitions,” Violet grumbled. “Is that too much to ask?”

“Probably,” Ami deadpanned.

“Considering how many problems I went through with those on my first mission alone, seems like,” Aiko commented, her grip on the knife’s handle tightening in frustration.

Armenus stood up, spitting sand out of her mouth; the floating fingers of her limb enhancer lay scattered around her, and Home world was nibbling on one of them at that moment.

“Oi! I know I’m keeping you but that does _not_ mean you get to chew my digits off!” Armenus grabbed the finger and began a tug-of-war with the mini while the others resumed watching the Words.

 

 

 

> **"Hey Steven is anything wrong?" asked Amethyst.**
> 
> **"I can watch TV again but there's nothing on!" said Steven.**
> 
> **"Yeah, that happens." Said Amethyst, "Hey you want to finally check out Lil' Butler?"**
> 
> **"No thanks." Sighed Steven.**
> 
> **That was when everything began to shake.**
> 
> **"What's going on?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **That was when the temple doors opened and Garnet and Pearl emerged.**
> 
> **"There's something outside!" said Garnet.**
> 
> **She began to look into the future.**
> 
> **"What is it?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **"Another Gem Ship is coming." She muttered darkly.**

 

“Yeesh,” said Ami. “Stilted writing is stilted.”

Violet pulled out Miguel’s Canon Analysis Device and checked everyone. “Fortunately, no one’s out of character.” She immediately knocked on the nearest wall twice. “Garnet’s right to be worried. Gem Ships are always from Homeworld and always mean trouble. And before you ask, yes, her clairvoyance is completely canon.”

Meanwhile, the Crystal Gems and Steven went outside to get a good look at the non-canon Hand Ship. **However they noticed something strange about, not only about the marking but instead of coming in pointing it was holding something.**

 

 

 

> **All of them stared at it.**
> 
> **"Is that…" said Amethyst.**
> 
> **"It is." Said Pearl not knowing how to react.**
> 
> **"It's a white flag." Said Garnet.**
> 
> **"Wait… does that mean they're coming in peace?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **On the ship both the orange one and the lavender one stared at the white flag the ship was holding.**
> 
> **"This seems like a really stupid idea." Mumbled the orange one to herself.**

 

“Well, if it’s that stupid, why are you even here in the first place?” asked Ami.

Violet giggled. “Sorry. You just sounded so much like Pearl for a second there. Also, come on, Steven definitely knows what a white flag means.”

“We may have to start skipping stuff to save time,” said Armenus, who was now cradling the mini in her arms. “This isn’t even the end of the first chapter and look how long it’s taking us to finish it!”

“That’s exactly what my brother would say in a time like this,” added Sarah. “See, La—er, Armenus? You’re doing great so far, keep it up!”

“At least I can still haul something back to DoSAT,” said Seung-Li. “Dibs on the ship. Who knows what sort of craziness _that_ thing could have stashed inside, aside from what we know of in canon?”

“Let’s review what charges we’ve accumulated so far, just in case,” said Ami. “So far, I have sock-puppeting, an implausible and disturbing backstory, creating three character replacements, mashing up three different canon symbols, creating a mini-Centipeetle, and stilted writing. Am I missing anything?”

“Technically,” said Seung-Li, “the hand ship? That’s a _warship_. Peridot and Jasper used it to try and take the Crystal Gems back to Homeworld.”

“But they had a surrender flag up,” said Armenus. “Who knows if they hijacked the ship to escape where they’ve come from?”

“They sure as hell didn’t come from _anywhere_ except the badfic!” said Sarah. “Anyway, the replacements are about to start talking with the canons… Shall we see what they have to say?”

 

 

 

> **"Don't worry we come in peace." Said the white one, "My name is Mirajane Strauss and these are my friends Nami and Hinata Hyuga."**
> 
> **"Wait…" said Pearl.**
> 
> **"Those sounds like human names." Said Amethyst.**
> 
> **"Wait are you half human too?" asked Steven.**

 

Armenus stared at Ami, wide-eyed. “Mirajane is a _Fairy Tail_ canon! Of _course!_ Though come to think of it, why not use Lucy or Erza? If Hinata and Nami are so iconic, a leading female from _Fairy Tail_ would be more appropriate as well, I think…”

“Maybe he picked his favorites or something?” Ami shrugged and ate the second half of her cucumber.

“Can we call her Miragem?” asked Sarah. “It sounds fitting, eh?”

“It’s no worse than puns in my canon,” said Ami and Violet in unison.

 

 

 

> **"Wait… half human too…" said the orange one who was named Nami.**
> 
> **The lavender one who was named Hinata whispered "Byakugan!" to herself as her eyes strangely bulged.**

 

Aiko winced at the Words’ literal interpretation. “Seriously? Using the Byakugan’s only supposed to make the veins on your temples pop out, not your actual eyes. That’s just gross! And what is she looking for, anyway? Gems don’t have chakra!” Her face got a little redder with every word, and her grip on Violet’s knife tightened.

“Good to know,” said Violet.

“I’ll take your word for it,” said Sarah. “Cupid’s the one who knows _Naruto_ , but he’s out on a date right now. That’s why we were able to host the slumber party in peace. Well, we _would’ve_ been able to, anyway…”

“Don’t remind me,” Aiko grumbled. “But anyway, we gotta do something. Now that Gem!Hinata’s Byakugan is active, she can see in pretty much all directions and through solid objects and illusions. She could spot us at any moment.”

With a slightly less painful jolt than the earlier scene shifts, the group found themselves at the base of the stairs leading up to Rose’s temple.

The group snuck over to the house, listening to the canons and replacements talking. Nobody was happy to hear what Miragem was saying.

 

 

 

> **"Was Project Conversion a thing when you were at Home World?" asked Mirajane.**
> 
> **Pearl and Garnet looked at each other.**
> 
> **"Wait are you telling us…" said Pearl.**
> 
> **"Each one of one us were kidnapped and taken to the Home world." Said Mirajane, "I was taken because of how strong I am, Hinata because of her family's abilities and Nami because she is a survivor of something that very few have ever lived thorough."**
> 
> **"I never thought they would be desperate." Said Pearl.**

 

“Because they could simply manufacture better gems from the safety of their home continuum, you! Complete! _Idiots!!_ ” Armenus cried, making her mini-Centipeetle squirm and go “WARGLBLGRL” in her arms. Unbeknownst to her, the ocean behind the agents began to recede a little more strongly than usual.

“At least now we know why he picked Mirajane,” Ami noted.

“I thought the only Gems Homeworld manufactured were the ones from the Kindergarten and Pearls,” said Violet. “Did they build Peridots? I’m kinda convinced that they built Peridots.”

“Hey, no spoilers!” said Ami.

“You have a neuralyzer and Bleepolate,” Violet deadpanned.

“I’ve yet to see any evidence of manufactured Peridots actually being a thing,” said Sarah. “But if they could make Pearls or Amethysts, I’m sure they could make other gems, too.”

Another mini-Centipeetle, **Home World** , scuttled up to the group at that moment. “Wait a minute, this one’s literally almost the same as the first one!” said Violet.

“I’m not surprised. We got twin Ichigo minis from that _Tokyo Mew Mew_ fic and triplet Boromir minis from that crossover, remember?” Ami replied.

“Yeah, but they’re at least slightly different misspellings. This is just a capitalized letter where one didn’t exist earlier. _Gods_ , minis are weird.”

 

 

 

> **"So that only leaves one question, why did you come to Earth?" asked Garnet.**
> 
> **"We've been on the run from the Gems for a few years now." Said Mirajane.**
> 
> **"And it would be nice to settle down." Said Hinata, "We're afraid that might happen if we all go home…"**
> 
> **"We want to live on Earth in peace." Explained Nami.**
> 
> **"And maybe help you if more gems show up." Said Mirajane.**

 

“Wait, a few _years?_ ” said Seung-Li, raising an eyebrow. “You’d think Homeworld would have noticed them by now.”

“To be fair, it took the entire first season for anyone from Homeworld to actually meet the Crystal Gems,” said Violet. “The Traveling Replacements Three going unnoticed for years is still pretty implausible, though.”

“The what?” asked Ami.

“It’s not important, I’ll tell you later.”

Armenus looked totally uninterested by this point. “Would you be okay to skip to Chapter Two now?” she asked. “This chapter’s pretty much over, and like Sarah said, we need to save time by looking at the most charge-worthy scenes. How many chapters are there?”

Sarah checked the RA, and then rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Twenty-eight.”

“Skip away, then,” said Violet.

“The second chapter is mostly the replacements explaining their powers and then demonstrating them when the group fights a random rock monster or something,” said Sarah. “That’s actually par for the course as all of the continua featured go, so I think we can skip it.”

“Random rock monster fights or the replacements explaining their powers?”

“Probably both? I can’t tell. The replacements’ abilities are _kinda_ similar to canon, except for the aforementioned Byakugan…”

“And the third chapter involves Connie coming to visit,” said Armenus. “But nothing significant comes out of that one save for lots more exposition, so we can skip that one, too.”

A tiny bell chime sounded, and another mini-Centipeetle appeared. “Well, hi there… **Peal** ,” said Violet, checking the Words.

Peal chimed happily.

“A musical mini. Now I’ve seen everything,” said Ami. “But… She’s actually kinda cute for a bug monster.”

The mini chirped and nuzzled Ami’s leg.

Sarah cleared her throat. “We’ll have to skip past all the tedious exposition. I don’t know how many charges that’d be omitting, but the fact that these continuums don’t go well together is bad enough by itself. Granted, the anime ones are, well, _anime_ , but I don’t know my anime that well…”

Armenus gave her a slightly offended look. “You Western people and your thinking that all anime is the same. How is _Gintama_ or _Panty and Stocking_ the same as, say, _Pokémon_ ? Or how about comparing _Attack On Titan_ with _Kirby: Right Back At Ya!_?”

“How about I check the Words once we get to wherever we end up and see what we missed?” Violet offered. “I know you said it’s mostly canon-compliant for where the replacements are supposed to be from, but if there’s one thing doing two gods-awful fanfics in a row taught me, it’s that looking everywhere for charges will save your butt.”

“Yeah, I do prefer to be as thorough as possible with them myself, but aren’t we required to actually witness the scenes themselves in order for them to actually count, at least as far the Flowers are concerned?” asked Aiko.

“We _can_ note charges without having to wade through the necessary scenes,” said Sarah. “I know it’ll be kinda painstaking given how long this fic is, but Violet’s right. We’ve gotta be thorough about this if we’re to be sure this thing’s worth disposing of properly. That’s what the Word scanner on the RA is for, eh?”

“It can do that?” asked Ami. “Huh. Somehow I never noticed. I guess that explains how it can track Sues to specific scenes.”

“Start of Chapter Four it is, then,” said Armenus. “That one concerns Gem!Hinata struggling with her past… Hang on a minute… Y’know what, screw it. Let’s hop in there and see it for ourselves.”

“Sure thing, _Pi_ ,” said Sarah, opening a portal and blissfully ignoring an embarrassed Armenus mumbling wordlessly.

 

********************

 

**Act Two**

 

 

 

> **Chapter 4: Hinata's Feelings**
> 
> **Hinata stood in a black room confused. That was when two lights shined. Hinata saw it was her father and her younger sister.**
> 
> **"Hello father, Hanabi." Said Hinata.**
> 
> **"How dare you!" yelled Hinata's father, "How dare you take the form of my daughter!"**
> 
> **"What?" asked Hinata, "But I am Hinata."**
> 
> **"No you're not! You're a monster and you need to die!" yelled her father.**

 

“Yikes. That is a lot harsher than I expected from an anime about ninjas,” said Violet.

“It can be like that, especially when it comes to Hinata’s family,” Aiko replied. “The Hyuga clan does all sorts of completely messed up things, like the harsh training Hinata’s father put her through or the Caged Bird Seal that they use to control members of the branch family. Though it should be noted that sometimes in badfic, Hiashi does get Flanderized into a far more abusive father than he is in canon.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call Gem!Hinata a _monster_ ,” said Ami. “She hasn’t even done anything wrong besides that thing with the Byakugan. Neither have Miragem or Gem!Nami, at least for right now…”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Armenus. “I don’t know _Naruto_ … and as much as I’d hate to admit this, I think the only one who does is Aiko.”

“And as the one who does know, I would have to agree that there is not that much wrong with her aside from that,” Aiko replied. “But since they got labeled as replacements and this thing is fairly long, I guess the worst problems will come later. So we’ll just have to wait and see for now.”

Then another scene shift threw everyone all over each other. The group was fairly quick to untangle themselves from the pile this time, though.

They found themselves back on the beach outside Steven’s house. The hand ship, also known as the **Forest Fairy** , was still there, and the replacements were using it as their temporary home.

A small orange fox with nine tails appeared in front of the agents.

“That’s new,” said Violet. She pulled the Fictionary out of her gem and scanned the creature while Armenus quickly photographed it.

 

 

> [Mini-Kurama, also known as mini-Kyuubi. Nine-tailed fox spirit capable of immense destruction and sealed within Naruto Uzumaki since the latter’s birth.]

Ami fiddled with the RA and got the Word scanner working, somehow. “…Oh, OK. The mini’s name is Charka, and we missed him when we skipped over chapter two.”

“Can we send him to the adoption agency?” asked Sarah. “We already have three minis tagging along, and I don’t know how many more this fic will spawn. I’d rather not risk this mission becoming even more crowded than it already is.”

“Please do! Kurama is quite evil and aggressive and mini-Kuramas decidedly retain his personality. If he stays around, there is a fairly good chance that he will attack at some point,” Aiko pointed out.

Violet nodded. “Aiko’s right. We’ve got enough to deal with without a homicidal psycho fox spirit around.”

“If you say so,” said Sarah, who wasted no further time in sending the mini to the Adoption Agency.

Seung-Li, who had remained silent for a good long while, finally spoke up. “When we kill the replacements,” they asked, “how do we get the ship to DoSAT? Or should we park it in whatever HQ has for an airspace?”

“I think I remember reading about a hangar somewhere…” Ami mused. “We should go for that. After the truck incident, I don’t think DoSAT would be any happier to have a literal alien spaceship flying in.”

The Citrine techie let out an audible snort. “Egg. Mucking. _Zactly._ ”

After a brief scene of Ronaldo attempting to sneak onto the Forest Fairy (only for Gem!Hinata to ward him off), Gem!Hinata decided to do what ninjas usually do in the wild: train. Which, apparently, meant standing on the surface of the ocean for hours in positions where she’d have to struggle to keep her balance.

“Is that a thing in the _Naruto_ series?” asked Sarah.

“Yes, the water walking training technique is actually a canon thing,” Aiko explained. “They do that because it helps with chakra control, since to be able to stand on water, you have to finely control the amount of chakra used on the feet and also constantly change it. Though I’m not sure if this would be the kind of situation where it would be done. And it’s not like Hinata doesn’t have impressive chakra control already, so I have to wonder if it was really needed.”

Steven joined Gem!Hinata a few lines later. When Steven asked why he couldn’t do the same standing-on-water thing, she responded, **"Because humans on this planet don't have devolved chakra systems."**

 

 

 

> **"What's Chakra again?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **"It's the combination of physical energy and spiritual energy, many people on my planet learned how to use." Said Hinata, "But not everyone can use it it's like Magic on Mira's planet."**

 

A stray period floated past the agents.

“Gah, all the inconsistent capitalization,” Sarah moaned. “At least I don’t get sick from that like I do with scene shifts, eh?”

“And you people encounter stuff like this every day?” asked Seung-Li. “I’m honestly amazed you guys haven’t all decided to rebel against the Flowers yet for being put through such insanity.”

“I’ll admit, that’s pretty tempting,” said Violet. “But even if my partners and I somehow succeeded, what would we do afterwards? We have no idea how to run a business, and going home isn’t an option, either. _Especially_ not for me.”

“Enough about that, though,” said Armenus. “Ami, anything we’ve missed so far?”

“Let’s see… Besides the mini-Kurama, some typos, a sneeze cut, and a ‘never say that’ joke, no. By the way, who’s Ronaldo, and why do the replacements already know who he is?”

Violet facepalmed. “Ugh, I forgot about that guy. Ronaldo’s the most annoying human character on the entire show. He’s obsessed with stupid conspiracy theories, can’t see obvious explanations for the events of the show literally right in front of his face, and still somehow knows about Homeworld’s plan for Earth, which I won’t explain because spoilers.”

“As for how the replacements know, Steven could’ve just told them,” said Sarah. “If they’re here to stay, then it’s only fair that they get to know everybody. Oh, and incidentally, Ronaldo’s the source of the ‘sneople’ meme Adam told me about once. Did I tell you about the mission he and his partner had with the basilisks?”

“Wait, basilisks? Plural?” Ami went a little pale.

“Yeah. From what I heard it took two agent teams to bring all of ‘em down. I figured we could learn from the bird’s example here, so…”

“OK, great. How did he solve the problem of multiple giant killer snakes?” asked Violet.

“Very carefully. At least these replacements don’t have a lethal gaze, or at least I hope not.” Sarah knocked on the nearest wall.

“It’s OK to admit when you don’t know something, Sarah.”

Meanwhile, Miragem was making French toast for everyone. Sarah stared at the food longingly, but decided against trying to sneak some away from the replacements and Crystal Gems. (Especially Amethyst.)

 

 

 

> **"Besides she's a really good cook." Said Steven.**
> 
> **"Yeah! She's better than NHOW." Said Amethyst.**
> 
> **By the way NHOW stood for National House of Waffles.**

 

“I’m not sure that’s a real place in Beach City,” said Violet.

“I’m more worried about the unmarked Author’s Note, if it is one,” Armenus grumbled, shaking her head. “And the most waffle-related thing I can think of from this continuum is the Together Breakfast Steven made back in Season 1.”

“Can we make one of those when we get the chance?” said Sarah. “I’m no Gordon Ramsay, sure, but I think it should be pretty simple.”

Violet gave her a skeptical look. “It’s just waffles and whipped cream, plus popcorn for some reason. You’ll be fine.”

“Like I said. Anyway, how ‘bout we —”

Then another scene shift threw everyone off their feet and into yet another dogpile, causing Sarah’s stomach to lurch threateningly. This time, they were on a pirate ship for unknown reasons.

The words **(Nami's scenario)** could be seen overhead.

“Angst dead ahead! Hard to port!” said Violet.

“Man the cannons! Thar be totally serious feels about!” Armenus replied in a faux-pirate accent.

Sarah snorted a laugh. “Can you spot for us, Vi and Pi?” she asked. “You said you know _One Piece_ , so…”

“ _Hey!_ ” cried Armenus.

“I’ll let you know if I see any of Arlong’s goons,” said Violet.

As it turned out, the scenario wasn’t Nami’s canon backstory at all. Rather, it was Gem!Nami’s idea of what might happen if she were to somehow return to the Straw Hat Pirates.

 

 

 

> **"THAT IS SO AWESOME!" yelled Luffy, "Do you have any weird new alien powers and stuff like that!"**
> 
> **"Wait!" yelled Usopp the crew's sharp shooter (and the person who built Nami's oriental weapon), "How do we know you're not an alien imposter!"**

 

“The guy with the long nose has a point,” said Ami. “They _don’t_ know, even if we know that she is. Are aliens even a thing in this continuum?”

“Not unless Skypeia’s populated with them,” said Violet. “Fishmen, mermaids, giants, and ridiculous Devil Fruit users, yes. Aliens, unlikely.”

“As far as I know, aliens probably aren’t a thing in _Fairy Tail,_ either,” said Armenus. “And I did hear a theory about the ninjas in _Naruto_ all being descended from aliens, but I don’t know if that’s canon.”

“I suppose that could be technically true,” said Aiko. “Kaguya did come from another world and she and her sons were the first people to possess chakra. Although that has more to do with the fact that she ate the chakra-filled forbidden fruit from the God Tree than with her origins.”

Gem!Nami proved her identity by calling in a debt Zoro owed her from someplace called “Loguetown,” even though (as he pointed out) “ **I paid that off when we saved Alabasta!** ”

“If by ‘saving’ you mean ‘destroying an ancient catacombs and your captain almost dying twice in the process,’” Violet commented.

The scene jolted around the group yet again, twice. This time, they landed in a large, loosely defined entrance hall of some sort, with the words **(Mirajane's scenario)** and **(Mirajane's younger sister)** floating over their heads… and a lowercase letter e on the ground.

“A ‘guiled’, huh?” asked Seung-Li. “So, does this mean everybody here’s smarter than the six of us, or something else?”

“This is how the Word World handles malapropisms,” said Ami, picking up the letter. “This happened a few times in that _Tokyo Mew Mew_ fic.”

The agents had little time to respond before the guild burst into celebration at Mirajane’s return, and then the scene returned to the present day. Sarah couldn’t stand it any longer, and she ran for the nearest trash can, leaving the others to try and comprehend what the heck had just happened.

“That was pretty close to canon, actually,” said Ami. “Fairy Tail’s like a big, slightly dysfunctional, highly destructive family. And since Mirajane’s basically the entire male half’s Lust Object, a celebration for her return makes even more sense.”

 

 

 

> **"Why does it sound like you're leaving things out?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **"Okay you caught me," said Mirajane, "But it's not that important just someone sniffing to see if I'm really myself and then later he tries to test my new abilities and it leads to another guild wide brawl."**
> 
> **"Sniffing you?" asked Amethyst.**
> 
> **"Another guild wide brawl?" asked Pearl.**
> 
> **"Oh yeah, it happens sometimes." Said Mirajane, "It was fun, I miss them."**

 

“…I don’t remember anyone in the guild who sniffs people, though.”

There was a faint retching noise in the distance, and the canons began talking about Gem!Hinata’s past.

“Hmmm… What they are saying about Hinata’s family seems accurate enough. She did patch up things with Neji before anyone else, but depending on where this is in relation to the Shippuden arc, her relationship with her father would have improved as well,” Aiko commented.

“Oh, goody, more scene shifts,” said Sarah, having made it back to the others. She wiped the last trickle of vomit from the corner of her mouth and added, “Is it too much to ask for us to collect charges _without_ getting tossed all over the place?”

“I think we have already established that it is,” Aiko deadpanned.

“Maybe we should skip this chapter and move on,” said Armenus. “Our charge list is only going to grow from here and I don’t know if covering every single charge in _all_ of the chapters would be comprehensive or just wasting time.”

“Well, as the one who knows the continuum that this chapter is focusing on,” Aiko replied, “I would rather stay and gather the charges personally. I wouldn’t put it past the Flowers to specifically punish someone who knows a certain continuum in addition for the general punishment for failing in collecting enough charges. And since in this case, that’s me…”

Armenus facepalmed. “I _know_ that, Aiko. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to watch _every single scene_ and waste valuable time that could be spent taking note of more important things, let alone preparing for the inevitable execution! What are you, a perfectionist?!”

“Dammit, did you even listen?” Aiko scowled at her rival. “My hide, as well as yours and everyone else’s, will be on the line if we fail in this part, so I would like to be as thorough as possible, thank you very much!”

“Um, girls?” asked Seung-Li, pointing at the coastline with a clearly worried expression.

“So what? There are _plenty_ of charges as it is!” Armenus retorted, still focusing on Aiko. “The longer we stick around, the more likely this fic will be done, and the canon will be permanently changed! _That’s an even worse failure!_ ”

“Girls, I get that you two hate each other’s guts and that you’re both probably on edge because this fanfic sucks,” said Violet, getting between Armenus and Aiko. “But arguing is an even bigger waste of time than watching every scene in this chapter would be, so both of you, calm down before I have to make you.”

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t, not when I have cause to believe that she’s only arguing against me that much because she hates me,” Aiko replied indignantly.

Now Sarah was joining in the figurative dogpile. “Armenus, Aiko, _shut the fu—_ ”

“DON’T YOU SHUT ME UP!” Armenus threw up her arms in frustration. “I swear to Arceus, Avatar Roku, _and_ Rose Quartz combined, I’m as dedicated to saving this world as all of you, and I’m not going to let any naysayers try to keep me from doing so — _especially_ not someone’s _Legendaries-damn uncanonical daughter!_ ”

“I’m sorry, WHAT!?” Aiko shouted, her face contorting in pure rage. “How dare you!? I’ll let you know that I’m proud of who my parents are and I’m not gonna let anyone hold it against me! Next thing you know, you are gonna say that I was a Sue only based on that, which would be rich coming from someone like _YOU!_ ”

That was when the agents heard a loud hissing noise, and looked around to see the water had receded with unusual speed. In the ensuing chaos, they almost tripped over each other and the minis in their frantic bid to get to high ground.

But it was too late — the seawater returned in the form of a shoulder-high wave, bowling all of them over with a tremendous _WHOOSH!_ Gem!Hinata and Steven, who were thankfully far enough up the beach that they didn’t get soaked, looked around at the aftermath.

Five bedraggled girls and one genderless gem stared back at the two in utter horror, and then the one with the black ponytail held up a little stick-like thing. Everyone except Gem!Hinata and Steven closed their eyes.

_FLASH!_

“You did not see us,” said Sarah, “and you certainly didn’t see some _idiot_ summon a miniature tidal wave literally right next to your house! Got it?”

Then she helped everyone else get up and ushered them to the cover of some random rocks, leaving the canon and replacement to wonder what the heck had just happened.

“Bleah… Can all the Gems do things like that?” asked Ami, wringing seawater out of her hair. (She’d dropped the letter e in the tidal wave.)

“Nope, only Canon!Lapis Lazuli has water powers,” said Violet, doing the same. “Elemental powers in general aren’t that common among the Gems, except for that and Steven and Rose Quartz’s plant-creating abilities. _Maybe_ Peridot’s electric limb enhancers and Garnet’s occasional lightning if you stretch it.”

“Dammit, Lapis, what in the world were you doing?” Aiko demanded with a seething expression. “You could have not only put the entire mission in jeopardy, but freaking killed us all! What in the freaking Dark Ocean was that?!”

Sarah’s expression was the worst punishment of all. “Lapis. Armenus. Lazuli. _How_ , in the ever-loving frickety frackety _fuck_ , could you stoop low enough to _talk shit about someone’s family?!_ ”

Lapis gave her a look of shame, and then horrified realization. “Oh, this is not good. _Not_ good. _At all._ ”

“Why?” Aiko almost yelled. “Did you realize how in the heck you could have caused THAT?!”

If Armenus could turn pale in this form, she would’ve, but as it was, her eyes became as big and round as ping-pong balls. “I think… I t-think… _My waterbending powers are coming back!_ ”

“Your _what?!_ ” cried Seung-Li. “Okay, I know mind-controlled armies of microbots are a thing in my world, and I’ve seen plenty of weirder things since joining the PPC, but how on Earth could you assume that _you_ were the one who gave us an unwanted bath? You’re a goddamn _Pokémon trainer_ , not some living fire hydrant!”

“Besides, isn’t that supposed to be from an entirely different continuum?” asked Aiko. “ _Avatar_ , isn’t it? So how in the heck did that happen!?”

“Armenus originated from a crossover between _Pokémon_ and _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ , along with several other continua,” Sarah explained. “But why would this continuum, of all things, make her bending powers resurface? I thought she’d lost them a long-ass time ago, after being de-glittered.”

Armenus looked down at her toes, and then tried to dig them into the sand. “I don’t know how this is happening. But if I had to guess, it may have something to do with my disguise. Like Violet said earlier, the canon Lapis Lazuli was able to manipulate water, and even used all the waters of the oceans to construct a tower to try and reach up to space. Lapis armenus, the mineral, is a variation of the mineral makeup of the lapis lazuli gemstone,” she said. “I assumed that this would make this disguise a Lapis Lazuli variant in the same way that Iolite is an Amethyst variant. So if Canon!Lapis has what amounts to master-level waterbending…”

“But this is only going to last as long as you’re in _Steven Universe_ , right?” asked Ami. “It’s just part of your disguise?”

“An Amethyst variant, huh? I wonder if I can do her spin-dash attack,” Violet mused.

“You’re _not helping_ , Vi.”

“Sorry.”

Sarah, who had thankfully kept her bag of holding firmly shut against the water, fished out her C-CAD and pointed it at Lapis. Her heart sank when she read the output:

> [Lapis Armenus Lazuli. Human (normal), Lapis Armenus gemstone (current disguise). _Pokémon_ / _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ original character, ex-Mary Sue. Out of Character 47% and rising. Duct-taping her mouth shut recommended.]

“Lapis Armenus,” the Super growled. “Whatever you were doing back there, and whatever you’re doing now… Please. _Stop_. If anything, the one who’s hindering us the most is probably you, what with your _horrible_ attitude towards pretty much everyone else, including me! I know I put you up front so you could improve your team skills, but if you think you’re not okay with how this mission is going, I won’t keep you from leaving.”

Armenus sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I never asked for this badfic to be dropped on us. I mean, it was my fault that I tempted the Ironic Overpower, but _this_ fic was pushing it. The thing is, though, not _one_ of you has been of _any_ help to me and my mental state, and Aiko’s only been making it even _worse_. And now this disguise has somehow reactivated my inner _chi_ as a waterbender, so on top of it all I’m now worried that I’ll accidentally flood half of Beach City next time we start fighting! _How is that okay?_ ”

“I hate to say this, but… Are you sure having her leave the mission is the best idea?” asked Violet. “I mean, I’m all for mental health and possibly another way to avert that thing we talked about last summer, but we could use someone else with in-depth _Steven Universe_ knowledge.”

“Don’t ask!” said Sarah, waving her hands in a panic. “We swore to secrecy and everything, okay?”

“You said that last time,” said Seung-Li, glaring at Violet. “Leave it to you two to get all the cool secrets. In any case, for our collective good, I’m voting Armenus out of this engagement. She needs some alone time to think about what she’s been doing.”

“I respectfully abstain,” said Ami, currently looking at a pretty shell in front of her shoes.

“My feelings on the matter should be obvious by now,” Aiko added, glaring at her rival. “We would all be much better if she wasn’t around.”

“Armenus, is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” asked Violet. “I feel like a bitch for not realizing that you were in trouble. Seriously, what do you need? Let me know and I’ll make it happen. I’m an angel. Angels are supposed to help humanity.”

“Violet, please. This is not a situation even you can resolve. My history is _way_ more complicated than you think, and —”

“And honestly? I politely advise you to just get the fuck over yourself,” said Sarah. “Excuse me for being harsh, but I have to be. I’m throwing my lot in with you, don’t get me wrong, but that doesn’t give you any excuses by any means. Armenus, you know what your problem is?”

“My hair?”

“Not. Funny. What I was _trying_ to say was that whenever you’re confronted with problems, you always try to bargain your way out of them by bringing up your history and all the trauma you’ve been through. I’m not going to devalue the BS you’ve been through, but a trajeck backstory is _not_ a goddamn country club! Lapis, you said you’ve been trying to grow out of your past, eh? That’s not what I’ve been seeing here. What I’m seeing is someone who feels the need to be pitied for her past troubles, and you know who that reminds me of?”

“I know who it reminds _me_ of,” said Violet. “Your partner Cupid before Palutena purified him. Sarah, I know you helped, but I have to acknowledge a literal Deus Ex Machina.”

“I know, Vi. It’s just that I don’t want history to repeat itself, and especially not with my _other_ partner. At any rate, we’re basically tied in terms of voting. Two against two. So it’s really up to Armenus now if she wants to continue.”

The blue gem sighed in frustration. “Of course I want to continue!  It’s already been like, four chapters too late for me to back out of this. It’s just that I need time away from Aiko and now Seung-Li as well…”

“Well, if we’re to be both thorough _and_ squabble-free, I think we’ll have to split,” said Sarah. “If Armenus and Aiko still want to come, they’ll have to go with two other girls each—”

“A- _hem_.” Seung-Li glared at her.

“Two other _people_ each. Thanks, Seung-Li. Anyway, seeing as our orange friend here isn’t fond of Armenus’ behavior, they and I will go with Aiko and cover the _Naruto_ charges and anything tech-related. Armenus can go with Ami and Violet and cover any _One Piece_ and _Fairy Tail_ charges. And both teams can handle general _Steven Universe_ tomfoolery.”

“I’ll focus a little more on SPaG and bad logic, if that’s OK with everyone,” said Ami.

“Yeah, that too,” said Sarah.

“Fine by me,” Aiko said, glaring at Armenus one last time before looking away.

“So what chapter did you want to skip to?” asked Violet. “Chapter five looks like it’s about the Gems discovering the Internet, which should be pretty funny to watch if nothing else.”

Armenus grumbled wordlessly.

“I guess that’s settled, then,” said Sarah. “Aiko, you’ll be coming with me and Seung-Li to… Chapter Seven, I believe. According to the Author’s Note, Steven accidentally opens up Rose’s Room, and the group tries to reconstruct it. You up for a visit to each of the anime continua in turn?”

“Well, I can obviously handle the _Naruto_ -related charges by myself, but we might have issues with gathering them for the other two,” Aiko pointed out.

“Wait,” said Armenus. “We need to determine a meeting point, when the six of us decide to kill this badfic. How will we communicate with each other?”

“I think our communicators should suffice,” said Seung-Li. “We aren’t going into separate continua as far as I’m aware. Just don’t try to bite anybody and you should be A-OK.”

Armenus glared at the Citrine, but didn’t argue. Instead, she handed the RA to Sarah and said, “Can I borrow your RA, Ami? Looks like I’m driving. Again.”

“Go ahead. I trust you.” Ami handed her the device. “The Word scanner should still be active, in case you decide to skip more than one chapter.”

Armenus took the device from her, looked down at it, and let out a long, defeated sigh. “If you say so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) A gem choice inspired by [this](http://ghoststrawberries.tumblr.com/post/111826267662/36-why-do-i-always-seem-to-draw-hiro-gogo-and) _Steven Universe_ AU of _Big Hero 6_.
> 
> 2) [Fandumb #41: Fandom Come Again](https://www.deviantart.com/neodusk/art/Fandumb-41-Fandom-Come-Again-520749397) by [Neodusk](https://www.deviantart.com/neodusk)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/21/2019 Addendum: In response to feedback from the Board, I've added an inner monologue found near the end of this mission, detailing the thought processes leading up to some of the actions and dialogue in the final section.

**Act Three**

 

Once Armenus, Ami, and Violet had gone, Sarah opened a portal, and she, Seung-Li, and Aiko stepped into the start of Chapter 7. Almost immediately, the Author’s Note greeted them.

 

> **A/N: I don't know if the Room really acts this way about other gems in this chapter since nothing is said about (other than Connie can't activate the room), but this is also an AU so it balances out... enjoy!**

 

Sarah shook her head. “An AU… This can’t be a good sign.”

“To be fair, the fic said right from the beginning that it diverges from the canon after the first season finale,” replied Seung-Li. “Though that still doesn’t excuse the additional continua in my book.”

“Great, just what I needed,” Aiko hissed. “I swear, if this thing turns darker after this…”

 

> **"So what is a Chunin Exam?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **"It's so Genin which are beginner Ninja could get promoted to Chunin, which was intermitted ninja." Explained Hinata.**
> 
> **"What rank are you?" asked Amethyst.**
> 
> **"Chunin." Explained Hinata.**
> 
> **"I can't find you in these." Said Steven.**
> 
> **"Oh when I was turned into a gem my hair color changed." Explained Hinata.**

 

Sarah mimed a spit take, and ended up producing a noise like a raspberry but without sticking out her tongue.

“OK, this dialogue is just awkward, especially that answer from Hinata,” said Aiko. “And what, did her entire face change too? Someone shouldn’t be rendered unrecognizable just because their hair changed. Besides, you pretty much just have to look for the eyes. How many girls does he know with white irises and no pupils? It’s not that hard! And as far as I know, there is not another Hyuga girl in the same age group as her.”

“I’m more worried about Hinata’s hair color being changed,” said Sarah. “Seriously, how can you alter someone’s hair color without changing their _entire goddamn genetic structure?!_ ”

“By dyeing their hair like everyone else does,” said Seung-Li.

“That. Doesn’t. Count.”

“Yeah, not to mention that sometimes the change is a bit… weird,” Aiko muttered. “Just look at Lapis’… gemsona, was it? That one is just… Ugh.”

Sarah gave Aiko a stern look. “What’s _with_ you and Armenus, anyway?! I know my partner was the one who’s been giving us more headaches, but I’ve gotta say you aren’t entirely blameless. You two were shitting on each other before you even walked into the RC, and I’m guessing you’ve been doing so for a long time before that, eh?”

“Like she said earlier, we’ve known each other since we were in the Nursery. Things have been pretty much always been bad between us,” Aiko replied. “And they’re even _worse_ now that I know she’s willing to use my family as an insult! I mean, can you _believe_ her? I’m not ashamed of who my parents are, but if I’d known she would have the nerve to do THAT, I never would have told her in the first place!”

“And I’ll damn well make sure she never does that _ever again,_ ” Sarah growled, punching her palm.

“So, how does being an uncanon daughter of a canon make you a Suvian?” asked Seung-Li. “I’m a freaking _carbon-copy_ of a canon character and nobody bats an eye at _me_.”

“Because you aren’t the same gender as Go Go,” said Sarah. “Regardless, I get the sense that the assumption that relatives of canons are automatically Suvian is a bit too common for comfort.”

“Once was already a time too many,” Aiko grumbled. “Even my partner called me a Sue when we first met!”

“Awwwwkwaaard,” said Sarah.

Gem!Nami, meanwhile, was telling Steven and company about her friends back in her world, and how Usopp had helped repair the relationship between herself and Luffy when they’d had a falling out.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Maybe we should skip to the part where they actually _use_ Rose’s Room,” she said. “I could be wrong about this, but I think the replacements are describing canon events. I’ll have to check with the others to be sure, though.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t know for sure either, so that seems to be the best course of action right now,” said Aiko.

Sarah nodded and opened a portal. They emerged a short distance away from the canons, who were in turn in front of a large, familiar door.

 

> **That was when Steven's gem began to glow, as did the door.**
> 
> **"It's mom's room." Said Steven.**
> 
> **"I don't know if you should go in." said Pearl, "I mean the first time you used it you accidently created the whole town."**
> 
> **"Didn't the second time you used it you accidently created a copy of Connie who ended up attacking you?"**
> 
> **"While wearing a wedding dress." Added Garnet.**

 

“Were those events that they described actually canon?” Aiko asked.

“Yeah, from Episode 46,” said Sarah. “I think that was the one where Steven and Connie try to make their own ending of _The Spirit Morph Saga._ ”

“Which would be what?”

“A book series within a show,” the Super chuckled. “Continuum-ception!”

The door opened a moment later, and the agents slipped into the room after the canons as quickly and quietly as they could. They found themselves in the **pink fluffy cloud room** , and Sarah half-expected a tiny floating whale to show up at any moment.

A few lines of dialogue later, the room around the group changed suddenly, and next thing they knew, **they were in a clearing surrounded by trees.**

 

> **"This is a training ground." Said Hinata.**
> 
> **"Hey Hinata!" called out a voice.**
> 
> **Hinata turned around and saw Kiba riding Akamaru and Shino.**
> 
> **"Whoa that is a big dog!" said Steven.**
> 
> **"These are my teammates Kiba, his partner Akamaru and Shino." Said Hinata.**

 

Sarah made a “gag me” gesture. “As far as I’m aware, only _Steven_ has been able to customize the room. So _why are these replacements able to if they don’t even know Rose Quartz?!_ ”

“Because Gem!Hinata’s a Sue.” Seung-Li shook their head and scoffed. “Think about it, she’s gotten her abilities wrong, she and Miragem have won over the canons in four days, and they’ve stolen a warship with absolutely no context or justification. Which reminds me, I need to call DoSAT once we find a safe zone. Didn’t Ami mention a hangar somewhere?”

“As long as whatever you’re planning doesn’t lead to the breakage of any delicate equipment, you should be fine.”

“You know, you probably shouldn’t say something like that,” Aiko said. “Generally it almost guarantees that we will end up breaking something.”

Whatever Sarah was about to say was interrupted **when Naruto puffed into existence** , apparently having been brought up by Steven; he was soon followed by **a pink haired girl** , whom Gem!Hinata identified as **Sakura**.

“Um… are the simulations supposed to be self-aware? Gem!Hinata says she made them that way,” said Aiko.

Seung-Li, who had been blowing another bubble, heard a sudden _pop_ before registering the sensation of gum all over their face. “She did _WHAT?!_ ”

“She made them self-aware,” said Sarah. “That’s a bad thing, eh?”

“You _honestly_ thought asking that would be a reasonable question?!” Seung-Li started peeling the gum off their face. “Rose’s Room _does not work that way!_ Need an example? Well, the replica of Peridot in Episode 18 of Season 2, ‘Catch and Release’, could only repeat what Peridot had actually said before it was recalled. And I don’t care if the room has some degree of sentience; even if its copy of Connie was able to rebel against Steven, that does _not_ mean simulations created by the room can develop sentience independently! And then there’s the part with the room replicating an _entire goddamn setting_ , which is already pushing it given how it nearly broke down while replicating Beach City! And on top of that, it’s simulating the setting of a totally different continuum, not to mention a whole host of _self-aware_ AI entities that could potentially add like, sixty-thousand levels of programming complexity to a task that’s _already hard enough_ for this room to pull off without having to divide by the square root of minus one!”

The Citrine balled up the bits of gum and popped the wad back into their mouth. “That settles it. Gem!Hinata is going _down._ ”

Sarah had stared at Seung-Li, slack-jawed, throughout the entire rant. She collected herself and said, “Okay. If _you’re_ willing to make an hour-long PowerPoint presentation about how fucked-up this is, there’s no doubt anymore that we’ve got a problem. And yeah, I second putting Gem!Hinata in her place.”

“Save a piece of her for me then,” said Aiko. “She’s taking the image of one of my favorite characters and twisting it while making this whole mess, after all. But just one thing, Seung-Li… I get being upset about a badfic ruining details from a favorite continuum, I really do, but that seemed rather detailed and excessive. So, what’s going on, exactly?”

Seung-Li blew a bubble and then popped it in their mouth. “I spend ten hours a day alternating between combing through thousands of lines of computer code in the hopes of getting it to run properly, struggling to repair damaged equipment, taking apart and reassembling devices to see what makes them tick, and all three at once. I know full well how hard it is to convince something to work. If there’s one thing that pisses me off, it’s the abuse of a perfectly good piece of _operational_ canon technology, and one of the most complex innovations of the Crystal Gems we know of, to boot.”

Sarah rubbed her forehead. “I’m guessing we shouldn’t stick around to see the rest of this chapter, eh?” she asked. “I have a feeling the other replacement gems will end up imitating Gem!Hinata’s example.”

“I second that,” Aiko replied. “I mean, none of us here may know the other two continua, but I don’t think Seung-Li will be able to take seeing that happen two more times. We can just have the others take a look at the Words later to see what was exactly wrong with this particular mess. So yeah, let’s get going.”

“The next chapter isn’t particularly interesting, seeing as it’s just more character interaction, but Chapter Nine should see some real action.” Sarah patted Aiko’s shoulder. “You up for it?”

Seung-Li pouted. “As long as I see the back end of this room being misused, I’m okay with anything.”

“No problems with that plan here either, so yeah, please do it,” said Aiko.

“Chapter Nine it is, then!” said Sarah, opening up a portal. “Tally-ho!”

 

**********

 

_Meanwhile, at the start of Chapter Eight…_

 

Armenus’ mood had not improved at all.

The two gems and the disguised pony had skipped past the Author’s Notes, landing in Amethyst’s room (which was full of what Armenus referred to as the “Trash of the Titans”, making it relatively easy for the agents to hide). There hadn’t been anything of note in the badfic since they’d split off from the others, so they’d had to skip to the next critical chapter. And then they’d been hit by a flashback sequence where Garnet was talking to someone named Makarov.

“Makarov?” Armenus had asked. “Is that the Fairy Tail guild master?”

Ami had nodded. “In canon, Makarov can turn into a giant whenever he wants. I think Chris called it something like ‘Hulking out’?”

“Hulk out… I think Sarah would know what that means. I know the Hulk is from the MCU, but not much else. The giant thing is right, though.”

The flashback had ended with the guild getting into yet another fight, and the agents were thrown onto each other once again. After checking the Words, they’d realized that the scene was going to skip to the next day, and portaled ahead of the unmarked scene shift. Now, they were hiding on board the _Forest Fairy_ , where Steven was about to reveal a surprise to a blindfolded Gem!Nami.

 

> **"You can take it off now." Said Mirajane.**
> 
> **Nami took out the blindfold and saw the tree.**
> 
> **"Is that a tangerine tree?" asked Nami.**
> 
> **"It is." Said Hinata.**

 

“Never mind how they know what tangerines mean to Canon!Nami, of course…” said Violet.

 

> **Nami began to tear up.**
> 
> **"We know it's not Belle Mere's but we thought you would want anyways." Said Mirajane.**
> 
> **Nami began to cry and hug Hinata and Mirajane.**
> 
> **"Thank you so much!" she cried.**

 

“Belle Mere… kinda sounds like it could be a pony’s name,” Ami mused. “Is she Canon!Nami’s mom?”

“Yeah, Belle-Mère adopted her and another girl named Nojiko when they were kids,” said Violet. “I don’t remember if Oda ever explained what happened to the girls’ birth families. Just as well; Nami’s canon backstory has enough angst for at least two characters.”

At that moment, a dog-sized creature appeared. It looked like a piranha but with a longer body, stubby clawed legs, and what looked like red hair on its head.

Armenus squeed, but then paused and raised an eyebrow. “What’s this?”

“I think it’s supposed to be a Sea King,” said Violet. “Remember? Those giant monsters on the island where Dory and Brogy hung out? According to the Words, this one would be **Belle Mere**.”

“Do you two want to keep it?” asked Armenus. “I’d like to, but I’ve already got the mini-Centipeetle, along with several other minis back at my RC.”

“Well, we _are_ planning to adopt out the mini-Chimera Animas as soon as possible…” replied Violet.

Armenus shrugged, and promptly took a photo of the mini before sending it to the Adoption Agency.

Meanwhile, Gem!Hinata explained that the tree, as well as some flowers she’d bought offscreen, was specifically for a new garden room onboard the _Forest Fairy_.

“So, the gem warships have gardens?” asked Armenus, raising an eyebrow. “IIRC, there are only three confirmed divisions: a prison block, a weapons bay in the ‘index finger’, and the bridge. They’ve also got an atrium and a reactor room, but I don’t know where those are.”

“Let’s follow them for as long as we can,” said Ami. “I missed my run in the Courtyard today, and I’d really like to see some grass.”

Violet snatched a tangerine off the tree when no one was looking, peeled a section, and took a large bite. “Delicious! Man, these guys know their fruit!”

 

> **"Actually." Said Garnet, "We have decided to completely trust you."**
> 
> **"What?" asked Nami.**
> 
> **"Really?" asked Hinata.**

 

Violet spat out the mouthful of tangerine. “You _what?!_ ”

Peal made an alarmed dinging noise.

Armenus, who had snuck a few tangerines from the tree herself, was preparing to lob one at the replacements when Home world snatched it away from her and gobbled it down. “Hey!”

“OK, hold on. The Crystal Gems have known these guys for _how_ long?” asked Ami. “Like, four days max counting the one we skipped over, right? That’s way too early to trust someone even if you _are_ the same species!”

Violet scanned Garnet.

> [Garnet. Female-presenting Gem. _Steven Universe_ canon. OOC 16%. Stronger than you.]

“Everybody’s a critic,” she grumbled.

“Welp. Replacements, totally calling it,” muttered Armenus. “Let’s just throw them off a cliff and be done with it!”

“I like the idea of throwing one of them off a cliff, but sixteen percent is too early to call Not!Garnet,” said Violet. “Besides, if it gets really bad, Garnet’ll probably split back into Ruby and Sapphire, like she has before.”

“Wait… split?” said Ami.

“Two Gems with a close relationship can do a literal fusion dance to form a stronger one. Don’t ask me how that works, space rocks are weird.”

“Says the angel disguised as a space rock.”

“Helloooo? Forgotten me already?” asked Armenus. “In case you haven’t noticed, Sarah put me in charge, and I’m _damn well_ going to make good on that. Besides, when I was talking about replacements I meant the anime gem girls, _not_ the SU canons. _There’s a difference_.”

“Oh. Sorry, Armenus.” Ami smiled sheepishly.

Miragem, in the meantime, was talking with Greg, and quickly took a liking to him due to being a musician like she was. (And apparently, she was the only one of the replacements who could play an instrument.)

“Which is actually canon,” said Armenus. “She’s performed in the anime multiple times, including during the return of Natsu and friends from… well, I won’t say. Spoilers.”

“What’s she playing?” asked Ami. “It’s a little hard to tell from our hiding place.”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. I just want this thing done with so I can get back to sulking in peace.”

“OK, first of all, Ami asked a perfectly reasonable question, so don’t blow her off,” said Violet. “Second, do you really think going back to the emo corner is going to fix anything? You have to engage with people if you want your problems resolved.”

Armenus tried drawing some of the seawater towards her, but the water wasn’t responding this time. So instead she gave Violet a dismal look. “You can’t fix this problem, you two. Not even Steven’s healing saliva could patch up my emotional trauma.”

“Trauma?” Ami asked worriedly. “If you don’t mind my asking… what happened to you?”

Armenus rubbed the bridge of her nose, her head bowed and her eyes shut. “Believe me, you have no idea. But just to keep it relevant, when I was still a Sue, I relied on the obligatory Author Avatar for guidance. Even as a PPC agent, my youth and lack of experience meant that I gave the leadership role to Sarah most of the time. And now she’s put me in a position where I’ll be held fully responsible if I mess anything up, and I’m pretty sure there is literally _nobody_ in the PPC who thinks I have what it takes to handle it. For one thing, I am _not_ a people person, simple as that.”

“I felt the same way, at first,” said Ami. “I basically woke up in the PPC one day and realized that not only did I not know where I was, I didn’t really know _who_ I was, either. I still don’t remember how I got my _cutie mark_ , for crying out loud! But… After they had me watch season one of my show, I decided I would follow Twilight’s example, adapt, and make friends here. It hasn’t always been easy — not everyone likes ponies as much as you do — but I feel confident in saying that my partners are some of the closest friends I have. Even when we push all of each other’s buttons by accident.”

“Well… I’ll be honest here. I never _had_ friends my age before becoming an agent, no doubt because I alienated virtually everyone and their mothers out of my own bitterness. The only exceptions were Rayner Blitzkrieg from the DMS and his former partner, and… well…” She bit back a sob, but composed herself a moment later.

Ami decided not to ask about Rayner. Instead, she reached out and put a hand on Armenus’ shoulder. “That doesn’t mean you can’t make new ones. You’re friends with Sarah and Cupid, right? That’s two already.”

“It’s like Sarah said,” said Violet. “No one’s going to deny that you’ve been through some crazy shit, but you’ve been so focused on your own problems that you don’t see how anyone else is affected by what’s going on here. I’m pretty sure there’s an episode of _Friendship is Magic_ and/or this show about that.”

In the background, Miragem had finished a song she’d been singing, and was now talking to Greg again. Then Greg questioned how she knew how to play a guitar, and she responded that her world had the same English language and even the same animals and plants as this one did.

“Uh, no, they don’t,” said Ami. “Does World One have evil snow monkeys that possess people who can’t beat them in a fight? How about Exceeds or Dragons?”

“It’s based roughly on Earth, though, right?” asked Violet. “A lot of anime is.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the issue,” said Armenus. “Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. My situation simply isn’t the same as yours. Aiko and I have _never_ had a good relationship. Aiko was jealous of my becoming an agent, I was hurt and angry at all the things she said as a result, and it kinda went into a vicious cycle. We’ve always been enemies, and I’m not sure if there’s _anything_ that can fix that.”

“I suggest you start by apologizing for using Aiko’s family, whoever they are, as an insult,” said Violet. “Nobody likes having their past used as a reason to ignore or not trust them, least of all former Sues like us.”

“I guess that was kinda hypocritical of me, yeah,” replied Armenus. “I was just mad at Aiko and everything else, and it kinda spilled out. I do have a habit of saying the wrong thing when I get upset, and I’ve been working to fix that.”

“See? You can totally patch things up with Aiko,” Ami said with a friendly smile. “Admitting your mistakes is the first step to fixing them!”

“I can only hope so,” said Armenus.

The scene transitioned back to the Forest Fairy, tossing the three of them on top of each other. Armenus, of course, ended up on the bottom.

“I swear to Arceus, if you don’t get your butt out of my face, you’ll have a chunk of it missing in about ten seconds,” she growled, baring her shark’s teeth.

Ami meeped and scrambled off the pile as fast as she could without hitting either of the others. “Sorry!”

“Hmph.”

The canons, meanwhile, were touring Nami’s room. Another mini-Sea King joined the agents; it looked like a large snake or eel with stubby clawed legs, and a fin on its head resembling Nami’s hair.

Violet looked at it, and then at the Words. “Oh, wow, this one’s name literally is **name**.”

Ami giggled. “That’s one for the record books.”

Peal made a curious dinging noise as she walked up to name. Violet sent the mini to the Adoption Agency, causing Peal to chime sadly and curl up into a ball.

The canons had moved on to Miragem’s room. **Among the pictures that were cut out were one of a large group pictures and another what looked to be when Mirajane was a young teenager with other kids and teenagers. He quickly noticed that one of they were Natsu, Gray, Erza, Lisanna and Elfman (Elfman was the hardest to recognize as he looked different as a kid), there was also a girl with brown hair.**

“Kid!Elfman is so _tiny_ ,” said Ami with an amused smile. “I’m used to seeing him as this beefy guy with epic spiky hair. He’s Canon!Mirajane and Lisanna’s brother, by the way. I’m drawing a blank on the mysterious brown-haired girl, though.”

**"Oh that's Cana." Said Nami.**

**"Oh yeah, the one who drinks whole barrels." said Steven.**

“Does that answer your question?” asked Armenus, flashing a smug smile at Ami.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Don’t rub it in.”

The third and final room, Hinata’s, had **walls** which **were painted a light shade of lavender, there were the Chunin Exams programs, as well as some pressed flowers.** There were also **some books with strange writing on them** , and upon further investigation, the gems revealed that one of them was called **"Legend of the Gutsy Ninja"**.

“Why do I get the feeling that isn’t the right title?” asked Armenus.

“Keep it in mind and ask Aiko when we meet up again,” Violet suggested. “She said herself she’s the only one of us who knows _Naruto_.”

After another conversation and a little more exposition, the canons found Miragem and Greg again, whereupon the latter pair began another duet. It wasn’t described, so Armenus couldn’t guess what this song was either, but Steven applauded at the end of it.

“Aww, how cute, he’s applauding his dad,” said Ami. “I wish I knew what the song was, though… I’m guessing he usually does this for performances?”

“Steven applauding for Miragem is questionable, but he _would_ clap for his dad,” said Armenus. “He loves him as much as the other way around, and both of them support each other no matter what.”

She tried to create a small whirlpool, but the sea sent forth a triple-crested wave instead, which doused her. She spat out a mouthful of saltwater and began muttering swear words under her breath.

The evening ended with the group setting up a fireworks show, and then the fic transitioned to **Later that night**. Armenus wobbled for a bit and then fell backwards onto the sand.

“Seriously, what’s _with_ all of these unmarked transitions?” she growled.

Then the alarms started blaring. Armenus screamed, ducking and accidentally causing a nearby tide pool to soak Violet with a fountain blast as tall as her.

“Oh dear. Vi, what’s going on?” asked Ami. “Is another Hand Ship landing?”

“I sure as hell hope not,” replied Violet, once again wringing seawater out of her hair.

Armenus recovered from her fright at that moment, but then she saw the water **suddenly churning a lot** , and then screamed again. “Get out of here, girls! _Go!!_ ”

“What? What’s happening?” Then Violet noticed the ocean, too. “SHIT!” She grabbed Ami’s hand and ran to catch up with the Crystal Gems, who were currently getting Steven and the replacements to safety. Armenus sprang to her feet and followed after them.

 

> **The water then exploded, out of the water climbed out what appeared to be a mutated gem, she had a four eyes, a green gem for a nose, instead of legs she had four arms.**
> 
> **"Oh no…" said Pearl.**
> 
> **The Gem began to laugh.**
> 
> **"Lapis!" said Steven.**
> 
> **"Sorry Rose, but the brat can't talk any more." Said the gem, "I'm fully in control!"**

 

 _Click_ went Armenus’ camera, though the canons were too occupied with the new threat to notice.

“How bad is it? Who or what is this new monster gem?” asked Ami, still holding Violet’s hand.

“Malachite,” said Violet. “She’s an unstable, dangerous fusion between Canon!Lapis and another gem. Canon!Lapis keeps her sealed at the bottom of the ocean with water powers and sheer force of will. If Malachite’s here, that means the other gem — or worse, Malachite’s own twisted personality — overpowered Canon!Lapis. Either way, we’re doomed.”

Ami whimpered. “Can’t we call someone in for help? What about Suta or Tianlong? It’s their job to handle things going this horribly wrong, right?”

“Most likely,” replied Armenus. “Should we warn Sarah and skip to Chapter Ten?”

“I don’t think we have a choice,” said Violet. “On three, we haul ass into town and portal out of here before I call for backup. Ready… THREE!” And with that, the agents ran for Beach City as fast as their legs could carry them.

 

********************

 

**Act Four**

 

“What. The fuck. Is going on here?” asked Sarah. She, Seung-Li, and Aiko had portaled into the start of Chapter 9, right where a certain other trio had left off. The newcomers were now imitating the canons as **They all stared at the very evil looking fusion.**

“Either the fic’s brought Malachite in for the sake of sudden drama, or your sense of timing is incredibly pathetic,” said Seung-Li. “Probably both.”

Sarah elbowed the gem in the ribs, but said nothing. They had bigger problems at the moment, literally.

“OK, who the heck is Malachite?” Aiko asked.

“Bad,” replied Sarah. “Quick, this way!”

She escorted the others to the safety of a random dustbin, but spared them the indignity of hiding inside it, preferring instead to crouch behind it and watch the action from a safe distance.

“OK, just one thing: What was that about a fusion?” asked Aiko.

“A cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger?” replied Seung-Li.

“Ignore the Citrine,” said Sarah, giving the technician a disapproving look. “Gems sometimes fuse together if they share a strong enough bond. Two of them actually developed a romantic relationship and became one of the main characters. Malachite, though, was created when one of the antagonistic gems forcibly fused herself with a neutral gem.”

 

> **"The key is dancing though, right?" asked Nami.**
> 
> **"That's right you need to be in perfect sync to be able to accomplish it." Said Garnet.**
> 
> **As Hinata was still her calming down.**
> 
> **"I guess we should try." Said Nami.**
> 
> **Hinata smiled and nodded.**
> 
> **The two began to hold hands while perform a rather short dance with Nami taking the lead.**

 

Sarah’s mouth fell open. “They’re not. They’re. _Not._ ”

 

> **There was a bright flash where the two were standing was now a very tall woman with pale orange skin, long orange hair, four arms, she wore a sleeves orange hoody and dark orange Capri pants. Around her neck was the leaf headband and on the hoody was the Straw Hats emblem. On her shoulder was an orange sunstone on of her shoulder as on her one of her left hands.**

 

“Another one of those!? Come on!” cried Aiko. “I sure hope they aren’t still like that when we have to perform the Duty. From the sound of it, that wouldn’t make things any easier.”

“They’re doing the Byakugan thing again,” said Seung-Li, pointing at the Words.

 

> **"They got ion their first try." Said Pearl with her eye twitching.**
> 
> **"We have been living alone together for a good chunk of three years." Said Mirajane, "Plus all three of us get along better than you guys."**

 

“ _Three years?!_ ” Sarah cried, before covering her mouth in alarm.

“Canons being robbed from their continua for that long is probably really bad for their general stability,” said Aiko. “It’s probably enough for an additional charge along with the kidnapping itself. As if there weren’t enough problems with this already.”

The battle lasted for quite a while, but soon enough, it was clear that **Hinami** , as the fusion called, was in trouble. So in order to help out, Miragem proceeded to unleash the Satan Soul, her canon self’s magic — though it was described as her gaining a demonic appearance without being named. And then, as if even _that_ wasn’t enough, Pearl and Amethyst fused into Opal and joined the fight, too.

Aiko looked baffled at the scene and asked, “Isn’t all of this kind of excessive just to defeat one opponent?”

“Pfff, are you kidding? This is fucking _Malachite_ we’re talking here!” Sarah shook her head. “It was only because Canon!Lapis overtook her head that she didn’t destroy everything!”

“Five bucks says either Hinami or Miragem defeats Malachite,” said Seung-Li.

Sure enough, when Malachite focused on the newly transformed Miragem, Hinami proceeded to backstab her, and the canon fusion **split back into Lapis Lazuli who was barely conchoids and Jasper who was on the ground but barely able to move.**

Canon!Lapis suddenly turned into a collection of curvy lines on a pair of XY axes like in a math textbook. Sarah took one look at what she’d become, and then collapsed into helpless laughter. Even Seung-Li couldn’t help but giggle.

After she managed to stop laughing as well, Aiko said, “OK… I don’t know what she turned into, but that’s gotta be one of the weirdest effects caused by bad writing I’ve ever seen.”

“Conchoid… Sweet mother of Batman… Auto-correct, the bane of writers on mobile!” Sarah wiped the tears from her eyes, handed Seung-Li a five-dollar bill from her bag, and straightened up. “Anyway… Well… This is a problem. A _big_ problem.”

“As if we don’t have enough of those already,” Aiko groaned. “There’s still that unholy fusion of Hinata and Nami running around, for one thing.”

“Not just that,” said Seung-Li. “We’ve also got Jasper on the loose. She was dangerous even _before_ she got fused with Canon!Lapis and formed Malachite — ruthless, militaristic, cruel, and _very_ powerful.”

“This is bad,” said Sarah. “Very, very bad. I think we’ll have to go into Chapter Ten and see how Jasper takes being de-fused much sooner than… Well, I won’t spoil it, but you get the idea.”

“I guess I just will take your word for it then, so let’s get going,” Aiko replied.

 

> **A/N: My mom's doing a lot better, in fact she's back home. However somehting else happened... I finally donaled Pokemon Rubmle World... so yeah... that's proablly going to take a lot of time... it will still be while until I'm at a 100 percent when it come to updating... anyways enjoy!**

 

A mini-Missingno, **Pokemon Rubmle World** , showed up, taking the classic blob-of-pixels form. Sarah groaned and promptly sent it to the adoption agency.

 

> **Lapis Lazuli shivered. For a while now she had fused with Jasper in order to protect Steven. She had thought she could protect Steven after what happened. After all the Crystal Gems were exhausted and injured and after spending all that time trapped in the mirror she was sure she had a stronger will than Jasper.**
> 
> **She thought wrong, Jasper managed to slowly but surely assert control. While she was able to stall her at times it wasn't enough.**
> 
> **But neither were expecting those three to be there. She was woos happy that the Crystal Gems had help.**

 

“That’s _not_ how it happened,” Sarah snarled. “Jasper didn’t subjugate Lapis while they were Malachite. She gained a new understanding of fusion…”

“Sarah. _Spoilers,_ ” said Seung-Li.

“Oh! Sorry!”

After a relatively brief conversation with Miragem, Steven, and Gem!Hinata, the topic shifted to their origin story. Then the words **(Flashback)** and **Hinata's home planet…** whizzed over the agents’ heads, and they were bowled over by another scene shift, leaving them in a random forest clearing.

“Uh-oh.” Sarah brilliantly understated the mood here.

“This is gonna get real bad, isn’t it?” Aiko asked.

Then suddenly, Canon!Hinata appeared… and promptly got knocked out by someone before she could use her Byakugan. Two more scene transitions, showing Canon!Mirajane and Canon!Nami being kidnapped, passed by the agents, the latter of which also showing what looked like a giant foot for a split second.

At last, the agents came to a stop in the depths of some kind of spaceship, accompanied by a small purple-skinned creature with clawed feet and a pair of horns on its head.

“Eh?” asked Seung-Li.

“Hey, that’s _my_ line!” said Sarah. “Anyway, I think I’ll send this one over to the others and see what they think of it.” She promptly portaled the little creature to wherever Armenus was.

Each of the abducted canons woke up, each in their own prison cell. Before each of them stood a gem, making three newcomers in total.

The first was **a women with her grey hair in a tight bun. On her forehead was a strange hexagonal shape ,she wore a grey dressed that sort of rambled something like a space suit.** (The use of “women” instead of “woman” led to a half-dozen such women appearing in front of Nami’s cell.) The second was **a woman with red hair and dark skin, she wore baggy red pants and a brown tank top, on the space between her neck and chest was a red stone that was speckled and egg shaped.** And the third was **a woman with light green skin, with green pigtails, she wore a short green tank top and a pair of green short shorts and on her stomached was a strange green pyramid.**

Sarah and Seung-Li exchanged identical expressions of horror.

“Oh, for Azulongmon’s sake… Are those more replacements?! Who’s next, their supreme overlord?” Aiko was panicking slightly by this point.

Sarah looked at Aiko with an even _more_ horrified expression. And, sure enough…

**In walked a woman with dark blue skin, wearing a skintight blue dress and her blue hair into a ponytail. On her left forearm, what a dark blue gem pentagon shaped gem.**

“Why, oh why,” Sarah groaned, “did you _have_ to tempt the Ironic Overpower?”

 

> **"It's all right…" said the blue woman named Maxixe, "I was hoping to spare them pain when they were converted, but it don't look like that will be."**
> 
> **"Get us out of here!" yelled Nami.**
> 
> **"Once you become our sisters you will" said Maxixe.**
> 
> **That was all three of them started to feel eminence pain as above the chambers strange liquid was pumped into it.**

 

“Glaurung it! No, just no! Don’t tell me that I have to witness something that amounts to torture again. Why, just why!?” Aiko hissed, “Well, I don’t think we really needed it, but if there was any doubt of just how bad this is, it just went out the window right there!”

“And there’s our proof,” said Seung-Li, “that these canons have been replaced in every sense of the term.”

“You don’t say, eh?” muttered Sarah.

Another scene shift (marked by **Five hours later.** ) sent the agents sprawling. The prison cells opened to reveal three hunks of rock, from which the newly converted gem!canons were released. They all freaked out, obviously.

 

> **"Sorry I could introduce myself sooner but my name is Maxixe." Said Maxixe, "This is my team, Danburite."**
> 
> **The white one nodded.**
> 
> **"Eudialyte." Said Maxixe.**
> 
> **The red one gave a small wave.**
> 
> **"And finally Amazonite." Said Maxixe.**
> 
> **"Oh you must have so many questions right now! But I'm so glad you can use the Byakugan! I mean that's like super important!" said the green one very quickly.**

 

“Oh gods, _there’s more of them!_ ” Sarah dragged her fingernails down her face. “That’s it, we’re killing this fic _right now_ —”

“Hold up,” said Seung-Li. “We don’t have a strategy yet, and we still need to meet up with the others.”

“Why are you talking like an agent now?” cried Sarah. “I thought you were only focused on technology!”

“Because I _care_ about it. And I don’t want anybody messing with it without the PPC’s expressed consent.”

“Good point.”

 

> **"Yes that's right… thanks to it, Mirajane Strauss, Hinata Hyuga and Nami are all dead." Said Maxixe, "The dust that surrounds you what remains of your former selves."**
> 
> **"What?" asked Nami.**
> 
> **She found the clothes she was wearing earlier in the dust although it was brittle.**
> 
> **"Although that's not entirely true the dust also contains the plants the were in the chambers with you." Said Amazonite.**
> 
> **"You are now Milky Quartz, White Moonstone and Citrine." Said Maxixe, "And you are going to help us build Kindergartens on your home planets."**
> 
> **"What?" asked Nami.**
> 
> **"That is." Said Danburite, "While we can create more gems in chambers like this it take an enormous amount of life force…"**
> 
> **"Thousand of years ago we figure out that using this method we could turn humans and other sentient animals into Gems." Said Eudialyte.**

 

There was a loud retching noise from where the agents were hiding. Next moment, there was now a puddle of vomit at Sarah’s feet.

Meanwhile, Aiko was well and truly pissed off. “What in the… What the hell did I just read!? Not only were they tortured, not only were they replaced with these Glaurunging twisted versions of themselves but… You have to _kill them as well_ to do it? And you’re going to do it again to countless others if nobody stops you!? Seriously, what the hell you think you’re doing, Suethor!? I just… I just…” At this point she was raging so hard that her speech was becoming almost incoherent.

Sarah began to panic. “We need a distraction! Quick, before Aiko loses it!”

“Aiko, Armenus said you were the daughter of a canon,” Seung-Li said abruptly. “I take it you were a badfic character like I was, but why weren’t you charged as a Sue? Even _I_ was charged by Sarah, though I too didn’t really do much in my homefic aside from just being there.”

“Y-yeah, Seung-Li, you saw how Aiko reacted when Armenus brought up her dad,” said Sarah, deciding to play along. “She doesn’t like it when people automatically assume she’s Suvian just because of her heritage, I’m guessing, and anyway most of us know better now than to jump to that conclusion. For fuck’s sake, _I’m_ a canon’s daughter _and_ a former replacement, and was I charged even once?! Of _course_ not! It’s not the relationship that screws you over, it’s how badly you handle it.”

“Thank you, Sarah,” said Aiko, feeling relieved that they had something to talk about besides the badfic. “That’s how I have always felt about it too. But anyhow, I guess I will just have to tell you all about it. In my homefic, I was known as Hikaru Takaishi, the daughter of ‘T.K.’ Takaishi and Kari Kamiya. Anju, my Digipartner, was of course the daughter of _their_ Digipartners, Patamon and Gatomon.”

“Huh. Well, that explains the first impression,” said Sarah. “I won’t judge you, though. In my homefic, I was not only a clone of Stratogale, a dead Super from _The Incredibles_ , but also the daughter of two other dead Supers, Splashdown and Apogee. I got to reunite with them, and we’re now OCs thanks to Adam. Thank the gods for second chances, eh?”

“But the thing is, at least in what was actually written in the fic, we didn’t get to have an actual relationship with our parents for most of it,” Aiko continued. “I mean, I supposedly have other memories of them, but I don’t know how they are there, considering that the story started when I was already twelve. I had a few happy and precious moments with them then, but that was the calm before the storm. Then I was basically dragged to an alternative reality, where the replacement of another canon had killed another version of my dad.”

“Ouch. _Ouch_ ,” said Seung-Li.

“Yeah… At least you didn’t _die_ and get replaced outright like the gem!canons here,” added Sarah, noting the gems being hauled off to their holding cells. “Or _me_ , for that matter.”

Aiko ignored her. “From there, everything went downhill. That… _thing_ was the real Stu of the story. The agents who rescued us charged us just for sake of it, but there wasn’t much aside from Anju and me just being there, so we got saved. I don’t remember which one said Anju and I were good characters trapped in a rotten story, but they were right.”

The others mulled this over.

“You know what?” said Sarah. “We can relate. And honestly, I think Armenus would too, if only she got a better look at you. That’s the thing about every one of us who stepped into Beach City tonight — we all came from a story somewhere, and no matter how good or bad it was, it wasn’t going to stop us becoming solid characters in our own right.”

“Then… You know what?” Aiko sighed sadly. “I want to be done with all this, with all this… bad blood there’s between me and her, I really do. Other people I care about said something similar to me a while ago, but it seems that I didn’t really take that to heart. Do you think… That there is any way we can… Fix things between us? I recognize that I have done a lot to her and it’s probably impossible, but… maybe?”

Sarah thought this over. “Well… It’ll be a bit hard, building a bridge between you two when you’ve pretty much gouged out the cliff faces on both sides. But I won’t consider it impossible. Like I said, you two have more in common than you think. And once you realize that, I’m sure you’ll be able to understand each other better, eh?”

“But they can’t just drop everything and be best buddies in one night,” said Seung-Li. “Remember, they’ve been fighting for years. It’ll be hard to repair the emotional damage.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that they’d try and be friends straight away,” Sarah replied. “Repairing their relationship will have to take a lot more time. What we need, though, is a start to that.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Aiko. “I don’t expect either of us to get over that much history any soon, but… It’s like you said, Sarah. If there’s gonna be a chance of it, then we gotta at least take the first step.”

Whatever Sarah was about to say was interrupted by an explosion somewhere in the distance, no doubt caused by the gem replacements breaking out of their prisons. She stood up.

“That’s our cue to bail,” she said. “I’ve had enough of this mess, anyway. Shall we wait for the others?”

“Yeah, we probably should,” replied Aiko. And we need to figure out what to do from here, assuming we have enough to end this mess already.”

The other two could only nod.

 

**********

 

> **A/N: It's the begging of the second arc! I should warn this arc will add quite a few characters... But I don't think many people won't mind... either way enjoy the arc.**
> 
> **Chapter 11: Make it a Home**
> 
>  
> 
> **As the sun began to rise, Lapis was finally abele to stand up and walk, she decided to leave the house for a bit.**
> 
> **She did she saw that Hinata was standing on water and doing her usual chakra control exercise with the water.**
> 
> **She couldn't help but to stare at her** , and she wasn’t the only one.

Agent!Lapis, a.k.a. Armenus, was absolutely fuming. She, Ami, and Violet had arrived at the start of the chapter. Armenus had spent the past ten minutes trying to waterbend, with just as much success as before. It had taken a lot of shushing from the other two to keep her from screaming, “WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?!”

Canon!Lapis, having been separated from Malachite, had recovered from her ordeal and was now adjusting to life on Earth for the first time since her being released from the mirror.

The agents were, once again, watching the badfic action from the beach near Steven’s house, keeping a safe distance from Gem!Hinata and Canon!Lapis.

“They split Malachite.” Armenus gritted her pointed teeth. “They _split Malachite back into Jasper and Canon!Lapis._ Why. Just. _Why._ ”

“Maybe they realized adding a psycho Gem for cheap drama was a bad idea after all?” asked Ami, smiling nervously.

**"So what's you're weapon?" asked Hinata, she then blushed, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."**

“That’s what she said,” muttered Armenus.

Violet snickered.

Then a portal opened up, and a small purple humanoid with horns and clawed feet arrived.

“I’m guessing this is another kind of mini. Ami, do you know what species this is?” asked Violet. “I’m drawing a blank here.”

“Let’s see… um… can I borrow the RA and Fictionary for a bit?”

Violet pulled the Fictionary out of her gem and passed it to Ami, who scanned the humanoid.

> [Mini-Demon. Humanoid species from Earth Land. Known to carry Demon particles which may be harnessed for use in dark magic. Known subspecies: Etherious, derived from the Books of Zeref.]

“Why do I feel like I just read a spoiler?” Ami asked rhetorically.

The blue gem shrugged, and then wordlessly passed the RA to Ami. She fiddled with the Word scanner for a minute before finding the chapter she needed. “I see. This is ‘Ki nana,’ and it showed up in the previous chapter. I can’t imagine which _Fairy Tail_ canon it was supposed to be, though.”

“Can we keep it?” asked Violet. “It’s the first _Fairy Tail_ mini ever, and you know Chris is going to want to do a full-on nature study of the little guy.”

Ami chuckled and handed the Fictionary back. “Darn right he is. Let’s keep it around.”

Ki nana growled in agreement.

The agents continued listening as Canon!Lapis and Gem!Hinata were joined by Steven, Gem!Nami, Miragem, and Amethyst. Then Amethyst asked Gem!Nami how she knew a princess, whereupon a mild scene shift caused the agents to wobble on their feet.

“Don’t start the story of how they met Vivi and cut out the rest of it! That’s cheating!” said Violet. “I like Vivi, too…”

“What’s she the princess of?” said Ami.

“A desert kingdom based on World One Ancient Egypt called Alabasta. Loooong story, as these things usually are.”

Armenus glared at the replacements, and a nearby tide pool began churning like a blender as she spoke. “Getting back on topic, as much as I want this mission done already, something tells me that maybe we shouldn’t go straight in and murder these replacements before determining if it’s really justified.”

“Well, Gem!Hinata is a little too overpowered to save, I can tell that much,” said Ami. “Miragem doesn’t _seem_ as bad, but she and Gem!Hinata both won the canons’ trust way too early. If we’re going to recruit anyone, I suggest Gem!Nami.”

“Huh? Why?”

“She hasn’t done anything egregiously wrong, and as far as I can tell she’s near her canon self,” said Violet.

“I don’t know,” said Armenus, desperately trying to calm herself and the waters around her. “We may have missed a contribution from her, but I can’t tell from here. And while I know I’m supposed to come up with a strategy for taking down the others, I need ideas first, especially because I’m not as familiar with some of the continua present as I’d like to be. Any ideas on what we can use to take out three replacement gems? Like a canon monster, perhaps?”

“Sadly, there’s no equivalent to Davy Jones’ favorite pet here,” said Violet. “Maybe if we can nab a full-sized Sea King from the —”

“Wait, you know about the Kraken incident?!” Armenus stared at the Iolite, her mouth agape.

“Pretty hard to ignore the news of something like that,” said Ami. “I don’t think using a canon monster would be smart in this case, though. The replacements would probably team up and defeat it no matter what we tried.”

Armenus pouted. “I drop that thing on some evil God-Mode Stu’s head exactly _once,_ and _nobody_ lets me live it down _._ Sheesh. Anyway, you’re right in that throwing a canon monster at these replacements would be a dumb idea. That and I’m not too keen on trying such a strategy again anyway. Is there anything else we can use that’s powerful enough?”

“Unless you’re willing to try fusing with me or snitch one of Rose’s cannons…” Violet replied, shrugging.

“She has cannons?” asked Ami.

“Laser cannons. They’re space rocks, remember?”

“You’re a space rock,” said Armenus. “ _I’m_ a space rock. We’re all space rocks here!”

Meanwhile, Miragem had convinced Canon!Lapis to go shopping with her for stuff to put in her new room. The only stipulation she had, understandably, was “no mirrors”.

 

> **"Can I come?" asked Steven.**
> 
> **"That's probably for the best." Said Lapis Lazuli.**
> 
> **"Hey Nami." Said Amethyst.**
> 
> **"Yeah?" asked Nami.**
> 
> **"Ronaldo." Said Amethyst.**

 

Violet smiled as Gem!Nami chased Ronaldo off with a broom. “I like this running gag.”

Armenus was less than amused, but took a picture of the strange scene anyway. “If you’re so obsessed with chasing off Ronaldo, why not turn into a snake person? I’m sure that’ll _really_ scare him.”

“It’ll just make him even more determined. That kind of idiocy knows no bounds.”

“I was being sarcastic. But whatever. There’s nothing keeping him away from that warship, I can tell.” Then Armenus gasped. “The warship!”

“What about it?” asked Ami.

“The _Forest Fairy,_ ” said Armenus. “If my guess is right and they did grab it from Homeworld, the weapon system should still be operational.” She then adjusted her voice to sound more like an evil cackle. “A gem warship! _We’ll steal it! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!_ ”

Ami coughed awkwardly, and somewhere a cricket started chirping.

Armenus facepalmed. “Look, next time you find yourselves in front of a computer, look up _The Dover Boys of Pimento University_. Trust me on this one.”

“Cool. Anybody here know how to pilot a Hand Ship?” asked Violet.

“You’re kidding, right? Let’s just get Seung-Li to deal with it,” said Ami. “We were planning to meet up when we decided on a cutoff point anyway, right? Plus, they said themselves that they wanted to get the Hand Ship back to DoSAT.”

 

> **Meanwhile in a field, many miles away from Beach City, Peridot and Jasper waited for the Gem Ship.**
> 
> **"When are they going to get hewer?" muttered Jasper.**
> 
> **"I don't know." Said Peridot, "It might even be days…"**

 

No one even noticed that they’d fallen on top of each other (and a random letter “w”) that time, and they simply picked themselves back up like nothing had happened.

“Hold on a minute, what? You just had Malachite a few chapters ago…” said Violet. “And now Jasper and Peridot are acting like Jasper gaining control of Malachite, or even fusing with Canon!Lapis in the first place, never happened…? What the hell is going on with the SU timeline?”

Armenus mimed vomiting. And really, what more needed to be said?

 

> **That was when an area began to ripple, the ripple seems to take shape until a Gem Ship in the shape of a foot appeared.**
> 
> **"Stealth ship." Said Jasper.**
> 
> **"From what I heard much of the mission involved stealth." Said Peridot.**
> 
> **The Foot Ship landed and opened up. Suddenly a green blur shot out and stopped at Peridot. It was Amazonite.**
> 
> **"OH WOW!" said Amazonite, "You're hair! It's so pointy! How do you do it?"**
> 
> **Amazonite began to poke Peridot's hair.**
> 
> **"Stop that." Said Peridot.**
> 
> **Before Amazonite could say anything else she saw a bird "Ooooh! Bird!"**
> 
> **She began to chase it.**

 

“Oh, good gods, an easily-distracted Gem,” said Violet. “Who is she, anyway? Did we miss something?”

Ami checked the Word scanner. “Looks like she’s also from Chapter Ten, where the author explains how the replacements came to be in the first place. It involves four new Gem OCs, counting her, and mad science.”

Armenus dragged her fingernails down her face. “Dear Arceus, if this means what I think it means…”

“It better not. Three powerful alien replacements are enough of a headache already,” said Ami.

“Okay, that does it,” said Armenus. “We’re grabbing that warship. Who’s with me?”

“Let’s get this party started,” said Violet, grinning.

“I’ll try to help however I can,” said Ami.

The minis made general approving noises.

Armenus took out the RA and her communicator. “Our stopping point will be near the end of this chapter. Brace yourselves, girls. It’s time to call in the cavalry.”

 

**********

 

Sarah and company were just finishing off Chapter Ten when the Super’s communicator went off. She picked it up and saw the number.

“Oh, thank Thor,” she grumbled. “I was worried it’d be from Mom.”

After giving Sarah a wistful look and a raised eyebrow, Aiko asked, “Why do you make it sound like that would be a bad thing?”

“Imagine how embarrassing it would be if your mom called you while you were at work,” Sarah muttered. “Anyway…” She pressed the call button. “Yo?”

 _“Sarah, are you okay with killing this fic right now?”_ asked Armenus.

“Um… Yes? No! Ye-uh, come again?”

 _“I_ wish _I could explain. But to make a long story short, we’re nearing the singularity of ridiculousness in an already ridiculous story.”_

“Tell me about it. What do I need to know?”

It was Violet who spoke from the other end this time. _“Sarah, are you guys in Chapter Ten yet? If you are, stay away from anyone named Amazonite. We have a sinking feeling she might be another canon replacement.”_

“We’re right at the tail end of that chapter, and we’re about to jump over to Chapter Twelve. Should we or shouldn’t we?”

_“We’re in Chapter Eleven, so if you wanna rendezvous and help us, let’s say, ‘borrow’ the Forest Fairy…”_

Seung-Li’s eyes widened. “That was exactly what I was thinking. Thank whatever gods or analogues around here that I’m of legal driving age.”

“How exactly would you know that?” asked Aiko. “It’s not like that is a thing that they have ever to check back in HQ.”

“Go Go actually took the wheel midway through the car chase sequence in _Big Hero 6._ You didn’t see her get pulled over, did you?”

“Yeah, but driving a car and driving a freaking gem warship aren’t the same thing!” said Sarah.

“Worth a shot.”

 _“So… that’s a yes?”_ said Violet.

“Hell yeah,” said Seung-Li. “The trouble is, we’ll have to sneak on board _without_ one of the replacements chasing us off with a broom. Any ideas?”

 _“Your guess is as good as mine,”_ said Armenus. _“I’m especially worried about the chance of Gem!Hinata seeing us. She can see through any solid object and most illusions in any direction while her power’s active, right?”_

“Well, the Byakugan does have a weakness, though I have no idea how we would be able to exploit it right now,” Aiko explained. “There’s a small blind spot directly behind her, right above the first thoracic vertebra, I believe.” She indicated the approximate spot on her neck.

“Why not just throw your knife at that spot and be done with it, then?” asked Seung-Li. “Hopefully it should land pointy-end-in…”

“It could work, but…” Aiko paused, thinking. “The angle is pretty awkward. The range that is not covered by the spot is a diagonal line going upwards. I would have to be positioned somewhat above her to do it.”

“Still, I guess it’s worth a try. Right?”

 _“Hold your Ponyta, girls,”_ said Lapis. _“Someone has to charge the replacements. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think for the sake of thoroughness, Aiko and I will have to do the honors.”_

“I… I actually agree with that,” Aiko said, surprising herself as well as everyone else.

“ _Let me and Ami help,_ ” said Violet. “ _We’ve been keeping track of as many_ One Piece _and_ Fairy Tail _-related charges as we could find. I can’t wait to see the look on Gem!Hinata’s face when we use her own Hand Ship against her!_ ”

“ _Ten points to Slytherin,_ ” they heard Ami saying.

“You know what, Violet, I think you should come with me to help with the ship,” said Seung-Li. “The warship needs _two_ people to pilot it, if I’m not mistaken. And just in case, I think Sarah will have to come as well.”

“ _Thanks! I won’t let you down!”_

“Neither will — wait, _what?!_ ” Sarah stared at Seung-Li. “Me, on a _spaceship?!_ Are you _kidding me?!_ ”

 _“Do you have a problem with that, Sarah?”_ asked Lapis.

“Well… You know how I am around aircraft! I’d rather not —”

“Sarah, this is a _space_ ship, not an _air_ ship,” said Seung-Li. “There aren’t any turbines on this thing, and you’re riding _inside_ it. I think you should be safe.”

“ _So, my team portals back to the start of the chapter and meets your team there?”_ said Violet.

“Sounds good,” said Sarah. “We’ll be kinda going through this chapter again, but — Aw, y’know what?” She checked the RA. “Let’s skip to halfway through Chapter Twelve. Near the end of a slice of life section, revisiting Rose’s Room again. They won’t be expecting us taking the ship —” She shuddered before continuing. “…or Lapis and company sneaking up on them. How’s that sound?”

“ _I do not sneak up on people! …But OK. We’ll meet you in Chapter Twelve, Sarah.”_

“I’m on board with that plan as well,” Aiko replied. “I’m just so done with this Glaurunging mess. Let’s finish this.”

Sarah steeled herself, and then forced a smile at Seung-Li. “Alright. Let’s do it, eh?”

 

**********

 

> **"All right! I got it! The new Sailor Moon DVDs." Said Steven.**
> 
> **"Oh yeah you wanted to watch it with us." Said Nami.**
> 
> **"And the anime is different than the manga." Said Steven, "Wait did I lend any of you the Magna yet?"**
> 
> **She shrugged and began to play the DVDs.**
> 
> **"You're going to like the show." Said Steven.**
> 
> **He put on the DVD, and they all watched the first episode, which during the watching they were joined by Garnet and Amethyst.**
> 
> **"This actually made sense." Said Nami.**
> 
> **"I can see why Steven's a fan." Said Mirajane.**
> 
> **"How many episodes did you get?" asked Pearl.**
> 
> **"All 46 episodes of the first season." Said Steven, "Including the episode that were cut out of the 90's dub and the unedited two part season finale… which they cut to one episode… oh and the first one is next!"**

 

But before they could start watching, there was a knock on the door. Steven groaned. "Awww come on!"

"I'll get it." Said Gem!Nami, but before she stood up, Gem!Hinata held up a hand.

"Wait. Something doesn't feel right."

"Can you see anything different?" asked Steven.

"I'm sure it's just Jamie, don't worry." Said Gem!Nami. "Hang on, I'll be right back!"

With that, she went over to the door and opened it. However, it wasn’t the mailman standing before her, but a short, chubby girl with curly brown hair, green clothing, and a black beret.

“Hi!” said Ami cheerfully. “Is Mirajane here? I need her help with something.”

"Mirajane, it's for you." Said Gem!Nami.

Miragem walked up behind Gem!Nami. "Hello, stranger. What do you need?"

“You’re pretty… I mean, uh, my cousin’s a photographer, but one of her models is out sick and she’s been looking all over Beach City for a good replacement. If it’s not too much trouble, could you fill in just for today? I’ll take you to her studio and make sure you get paid and everything,” said Ami.

"Oh, I don't need any money, but…"

Ami gasped delightedly. “You’d model for free?! The rumors were true! You’re an angel, Mirajane!”

"Er…?" Miragem looked increasingly uncomfortable with Ami’s fangirl act. Ami almost felt bad for lying to her. Almost.

Probably sensing that Miragem was starting to get suspicious, Aiko stepped closer to Ami from her place in the doorway. “Please excuse my friend here. She can get a little too excited sometimes when meeting someone like you, about whom she has heard so much. But we really do need your help, so if you would please follow us, we’ll take you to her cousin’s place right away. If it helps, it probably won’t take much of your time. Please?”

Miragem tilted her head a little, but then shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

The two agents thus led Miragem outside, though the other replacements also followed in their wake. However, the blue-haired gem who was supposed to be with the agents was nowhere to be seen. And for some reason, the beach had become unusually foggy.

Ami and Aiko led the group down to the beach, but Gem!Hinata kept glancing behind her nervously as Steven’s house became increasingly smaller. Even though these girls seemed friendly enough, something still seemed… off… about their suddenly showing up at this exact moment.

“OK, she’ll meet us right here,” said Ami, stopping when Steven’s house was only a speck on the horizon.

“Yeah, I’m surprised she isn’t here already, but I’m sure she will get here soon enough. This job is very important for her, so she wouldn’t do anything to miss it,” Aiko added.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asked Miragem.

“Sure I’m sure,” said Ami. “She’ll be here any minute now.”

"I'm not convinced." Said Gem!Hinata. "Maybe she's hiding, waiting. We've been enough places that this could be a trap!"

"Should I check the ship?" asked Gem!Nami. "Someone could be taking it for all we know."

“That’s ridiculous. The only other people who might know how to pilot it are the Crystal Gems, right?” replied Ami.

“Yeah, I haven’t heard of anyone else that could possibly manage it either,” Aiko bluffed.

Gem!Nami frowned. "I'm worried Ronaldo might find it again, too."

Unbeknownst to them, a figure was hiding under the water, listening. If she could’ve broken out into a sweat underwater, she would’ve. _Come on, you guys, hurry! Hurrrrryyyyy!_

"All right, that's enough fooling around." Said Gem!Hinata. Before the agents could protest, she’d activated her Byakugan again, which still bore the same disturbing appearance from earlier, and used it to look at the distant ship…

_Seung-Li approached the ship, letting out a quiet wolf-whistle. “Hello, promotion. Goodbye, anybody standing in this thing’s way.”_

_“This is starting to feel like a bad idea,” said Violet._

_“Are you kidding me?!” cried Sarah. “This is_ by far _the stupidest thing we’ve ever done!”_

_“Getting near it isn’t the stupidest thing,” said Seung-Li. “That accolade would have to go to trying to fly it, assuming we can.”_

_“Exactly!”_

_“And assuming none of the replacements figured out our plan, don’t forget that,” added Violet._

_“Knowing the replacements, they’d probably have at least one member who suspects we’re doing this,” said Sarah. “My money’s on Gem!Hinata.”_

_“Yeah, I know,” said Seung-Li, stepping closer to the_ Forest Fairy _. “But you yourself said that we’ll_ want _them to pay attention to the ship.”_

_“Wait, I’m confused. We’re a distraction?” asked Violet. “I thought somebody else was supposed to —”_

_“Vi, be quiet!” Sarah shushed her. “If they didn’t know, they will in a few moments! Hurry, how do you open this thing?”_

_“Let’s see…” Violet looked over the ship, and her gem started glowing. “The door’s in the center of the palm, between the index and middle fingers. Since Hand Ships land upside down, we won’t have to do any kind of human-ladder shenanigans.” The spot Violet had mentioned shone the same color as her gem. “It hasn’t been shown in canon yet, but I assume we get in the same way Peridot and Jasper got out; through a kind of escape pod.”_

_Seung-Li smiled. “You know what, I’m starting to wonder if I misjudged you. We’ll save that for after we finish this, though. Either of you know how to handle a weapons panel?”_

_“Think positive, think positive,” Sarah muttered, before shuddering. “I am_ positive _that this is absolutely_ crazy _and could get all of us_ killed! _”_

 _“It could. But we could also_ not _die. And either way, the replacements don’t stand a chance.” Violet grinned. “As a great man probably once said, ‘Let’s get to work!’”_

Gem!Hinata had witnessed all of this. It looked to the others like she was staring off into space, but then she snapped out of it, her expression horrified and infuriated.

"You PLAYED US!" She wailed.

"The deal is OFF." Snarled Miragem.

"Quick, get to the ship!" Cried Gem!Nami.

But before the replacements could act on their sentiments, the fog around them seemed to condense, forming into droplets of water that fell and soaked into the sand. And then it happened.

Up from the sand sprouted several hundred razor-sharp spikes of ice, pointing at the replacements, forming concentric rings all around the gems like the teeth of a Sarlacc. The fog parted like clouds blown away by the wind, and there, emerging from the ocean waves, was the blue-haired gem.

It was not Lapis Lazuli. Well, it was _a_ Lapis, but not the canon Lapis, who was still inside Steven’s house.

 _This_ Lapis was smaller, but far angrier looking, with buns in her hair and armor from neck to ankles. In one of her hands was a double-headed trident made of water. And in the other was… a digital camera.

Gem!Nami and Gem!Hinata traded confused looks. They only looked even _more_ confused after the blue gem snapped a photo of the two.

"Who are you?" Asked Miragem.

“Your photographer.” Armenus bared her jagged teeth. “Alrighty, you three. Listen up, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once. By order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of being character replacements on account of the following charges: Replacing three different canonical characters from three different anime continua; inserting yourselves into the _Steven Universe_ continuum with no sensible explanation for how you migrated there from your respective continua; creating three mini-Centipeetles, two mini-Sea Kings, a mini-Demon, a mini-Kurama, and Arceus knows what else; stealing a Gem warship without any justification or repercussions; and among a host of other things, being _outright fucking transmogrified_ into gems from your human counterparts by a third party!”

“Which is not only physically impossible, but _really gross_ .” Ami joined Armenus’ side, or at least the closest she could without getting her feet wet. “Trust me, that third party will get what she deserves. Miragem, you are specifically charged with earning the Crystal Gems’ and Greg’s trust too quickly; having access to your regular magic despite being an alien; being underpowered for a Quartz — that’s another one for the record books, if anyone’s keeping track — and knowing what tangerines mean to Canon!Nami despite being from a completely different universe. Gem!Nami, your specific charges are aiding and abetting two Character Replacements and putting Garnet out of character by proxy. And _both_ of you are charged with indirectly summoning Malachite for cheap drama only to get rid of her a few chapters later; messing up the _Steven Universe_ timeline and probably Jasper’s characterization; and having a garden room on board a Gem warship.”

“Don’t forget Gem!Nami and Gem!Hinata fusing for the coolness factor alone, at least from what Aiko told me,” snarled Armenus. “And that reminds me… Aiko, you know the drill.”

Aiko nodded, glaring intensely at the final gem. “As for you, Gem!Hinata, you are specifically charged with botching the description of an active Byakugan and making it look very gross in the process; also even using it in that situation in the first place, since as far as I know, gems have no chakra and looking for that is the main reason for using the Byakugan; and getting the title of a book from your continua wrong, namely Jiraiya’s _Tales of a Gutsy Ninja_ . Like Miragem, you are also charged with earning the trust of the _Steven Universe_ canons far too quickly. And most damningly of all, at least according to the long spiel Seung-Li gave us, you are charged with using Rose Quartz’s Room in a blatantly impossible manner, namely by making it able to replicate an entire setting from a whole different continuum when even trying to replicate Beach City almost broke it down, and generate multiple self-aware simulations of _Naruto_ canons when that wouldn’t be within the Room’s capabilities. And before I forget, all three of you are charged with badly mashing symbols from your three completely different continua onto a _Steven Universe_ ship. For all that and more, your sentence is death! Girls, let’s get them!”

"Not if we run for it!" Cried Gem!Hinata.

"Get to the ship!" Added Miragem, preparing to activate her Satan Soul. "I'll take care of these three!"

Armenus gave them a shark-like grin. “Oh, no. You’re _not_ getting away. If you know what’s good for you, I’d suggest you stand still and wait for your deaths…” She glanced towards the sea. “…which should be in about three or four minutes. Enjoy your last living moments while you can.”

Ami backed away from Armenus. The replacements were less lucky, because a few seconds later, the icicle spikes grew and radiated upwards, forming a dome around the three of them.

And _click_ went the camera. Again.

“And now all we have to do is wait,” said Armenus, stowing the little device in her gem.

Aiko furrowed her brow. “Wait for what, exactly?”

“You’re freezing them to death?” asked Ami.

“Not quite. Just keeping them in place until backup arrives.”

Ami nodded, but looked at the dome with a worried expression. “I wish I could say something that won’t jinx us…”

A mere two seconds after she’d said that, however, the ice dome cracked everywhere, and then exploded, sending freezing shards everywhere. All three gems glared at the agents, weapons and powers locked and loaded.

Okay, two of them were. The orange one was looking at the others with an expression that screamed, “Are you _CRAZY?!_ ”

“Oh, that’s just _not fair!_ ” Ami ran to the edge of the beach.

Miragem made the first move. Her Satan Soul was already activated, and she summoned a massive pair of shadowy claws before aiming a slash at Armenus. The blue gem shrieked and side-stepped, but when she tried to jab with her trident, that in turn was parried by the other set of shadow talons.

Brandishing her knife, Aiko rushed to Miragem and attempted to stop her assault on Armenus. She managed to slash at the gem replacement’s arm, hopefully causing enough pain for her to lose concentration.

However, with her Byakugan still active, Gem!Hinata easily noticed this and rushed over, the palm of her raised right hand glowing with chakra as she prepared to strike Aiko in return.

Switching priorities without hesitation, Armenus body-slammed Gem!Hinata, who toppled over and landed on some of the smaller icicle spikes still sticking out of the sand.

"HINATA!" Yelled Gem!Nami, but she couldn’t bring herself to join the battle.

"Ouch… I'm okay." Gem!Hinata got up, wincing slightly. She pulled several kunai out of her gem. "I went through a lot worse back home."

“You don’t say,” snarled Armenus, raising her trident and preparing to skewer her.

With Gem!Hinata now on the ground and with her back turned to her, Aiko saw her chance. Trying to capitulate on the blind spot she had mentioned earlier, she moved so that she was standing over the range that was not covered by Byakugan thanks to it and then threw her knife at it with all her might.

However, although most of her body couldn’t be seen, Gem!Hinata managed to spot at least her head and legs and seeing an opponent that close to her was enough for her to move over and thus dodge the knife without seeing it at first. Then it was her turn to attack the now unarmed Aiko, by throwing a few kunai she held at her. Aiko managed to dodge most of them, but only barely, with some of them at least grazing her arms and legs. However, two found their targets, hitting a vital point in each of her knees and causing her to stumble over. If Gem!Hinata made a next move, she wouldn’t be able to escape.

The gem replacement quickly moved towards the water in order to prepare her final assault. Around her, seawater began to gather in vortexes, and then formed into volleys of sharp needles pointed in Aiko’s direction.

Armenus’ eyes widened in horror when she saw the gem round on Aiko. She tried to summon the ocean to her side, a raging whirlpool, a tsunami like before, anything. But in the midst of her panic, her pull on the seawater started to fizzle, like a radio feed suffering from signal interference.

With plenty of water to use around her, Gem!Hinata prepared to shoot what seemed like several dozen needles, each precisely aimed at a vital point of the agent’s body.

Armenus lost her connection with the water. Her fear for Aiko’s life had overshadowed it completely. And now, there was no time to make a saving throw.

“I’m sorry,” she mouthed, before rushing forward and slamming Aiko aside.

Although the change of target — and more importantly, the positioning of said target — made at least some of the projectiles miss their target, most of them didn’t, and at least some of them hit a desired vital point (though amazingly, none of them hit her gem). To the other agents, Armenus seemed to fall limply on the sand in slow-motion.

With needles sticking out of most of her body, the blue-haired girl, lying on her side in the sand, turned her head to look at Aiko, her expression showing sadness and guilt. “Ai… ko… For… give… meee…”

Then her body disappeared in a massive POOF of white smoke. All that was left when it cleared was her oval blue gem, which promptly and quietly fell onto the sand.

“LAPIS!” Ami cried. She ran for the gem, completely ignoring the replacements. “Oh, no…!”

Aiko did her best to carefully pull out the kunai, not caring how much it hurt right now, and then crawled over to the same spot. “N-No… L-Lapis… I-I know we never liked each other much, but… W-Why!?”

The gem replacements looked just as horrified as the others. But then Miragem and Gem!Hinata gave the remaining agents apologetic looks, and moved in for the kill.

“In case the plan didn’t come together, I want you to know it’s been a pleasure working with you,” said Ami.

Aiko gave her a sad little nod and said, “Yeah, it’s been nice to know you too. And… I’m sorry for being such a pain about Lapis. My only regret would be not getting to fix up things with her after all…”

"Enough talk." Said Miragem, readying her Satan Soul. "You get no last words."

Then a thunderous roar from somewhere above them interrupted the scene. A giant hand-shaped shadow loomed over the group.

"Oh no, we're too late." Said Gem!Nami, who began backing away slowly before turning to run. Miragem and Gem!Hinata looked up as well, but the shock of what they had just done prevented their legs from moving.

Then a voice came from the ship, as though someone were broadcasting a message through the intercom. Said message consisted of two words:

_“TAKE COVER!!”_

Ami grabbed Armenus’ gem in one hand and Aiko’s hand in the other. “ **RUN!!** ”

Miragem and Gem!Hinata had no time to respond, and even Gem!Nami wasn’t far enough from the target zone to be considered safe. There was a great flash of light and heat, and a plume of sand and smoke fifty feet high. The agents on the ground were thrown by the force of the blast all the way across the beach, making a pair of ditches in the sand, skidding to a halt a mere twenty feet from Steven’s porch.

“Ow…” said Ami. “Well, that could’ve gone better.”

Then a young boy in a star T-shirt scrambled off the porch to check on (to him) the strangers caught in the crossfire. “Oh my gosh, are you OK? Hold still for a second. This might feel kinda weird…” He licked his hand and placed it on Ami’s arm, then did the same to Aiko.

Ami shuddered, but felt the bruises and tiny scratches from the explosion and skidding along the beach fade away. “Ugh… oh? Oh, wow!” She stood up and smiled. “How did you _do_ that? That’s so cool!”

The kid grinned. “Good news, guys! I’ve got my healing powers back!”

“Steven, what’s going on out there?” A thin white gem appeared on the front porch, holding a spear. “All I know is that Mirajane was supposed to model for someone’s cousin and she hasn’t come back yet. What are these two children doing here and how did they get hurt?”

Ami had never more wished Violet was there. “Uh… hi. I’m Ami. I’m the one who needed Mirajane’s help.”

Aiko once again went along and added, “And I’m Aiko. I came to help Ami and her cousin with that as well.”

“It’s nice to meet you both. Now how did you get hurt?” Pearl repeated.

“Um… our friends may have… shot Mirajane and Hinata with their own Hand Ship…” Ami got quieter and quieter as she said this. _Nobody explode, nobody explode, nobody explode…_

Then a black-and-red blur made a crater in front of them. Ami squeaked and ran backwards.

“You shot Mirajane and Hinata?” said Garnet coldly.

“It was my friends! I swear it was for a good reason!” _Where’s Violet when I need her?!_

There was a great rumbling noise, and the hand ship landed — a shaky descent, but at least it didn’t flatten a building on the way down. Then a pod emerged from the middle and rolled down the index finger, where it promptly dissolved, revealing two more gems and a human girl.

“Girls!” Sarah was the first out. “It worked! I think our plaAIEEEEE _SWEET MJOLNIR’S GRIP LEATHER!!!_ ” She reached into her bag for her ice sword, and Jasper whirled to face her.

But before they could engage, Violet pulled out her neuralyzer. “Over here!”

_FLASH!_

“That was close. Jasper, you don’t know anyone named Amazonite, and you did not just almost-threaten a girl with a sword. Just wait here until we sort this out.”

Jasper looked annoyed, but didn’t shock anyone or headbutt them.

Sarah, getting the message, put her sword away, and then took out her own neuralyzer. Closing her eyes, she aimed it at the Crystal Gems and Steven. _FLASH!_

“We were never here,” she said, her eyes closed. “And neither were anyone named Mirajane Strauss, Hinata Hyuga, or Nami. Crystal Gems and Steven, you won’t see Malachite again until much later in the future. Lapis, you’re still fused with Jasper at the bottom of the sea, waiting for your return. And of course, the Gem warship over there? Poof, gone. Never existed. Go on, back in the house. All of you. Except for Lapis and Jasper, they belong in the sea for now.”

Once the group had returned the canons to their rightful place, they gathered again at the edge of the crater. It was still smoking, and there was no sign of Miragem or Gem!Hinata except for some faint smears of glitter at the bottom.

“Well… I had no idea that energy missile was so powerful,” said Seung-Li. “Violet, you now have my respect. Seriously, I had no idea you were so good with a weapons control system.”

Violet shrugged, grinning. “Glad you like me now. The controls were easier than I thought once I got my _hands_ on them.”

Peal, poking her head out of her hiding place, made a series of low chimes that sounded remarkably like a trombone.

“Come on, _somebody_ had to make that joke.”

“Hang on a sec, where’s Armenus?” asked Sarah.

Aiko’s expression could best be described as the face of a broken girl. “Gem!Hinata crippled me and was about to kill me, but… L-Lapis shoved me out of the way a-and… t-took the fatal hit in my place… S-she is… G-gone …”

“I picked up the gem before the — huh?!” Ami had just realized that her hands were empty. “Oh, no! I must have dropped it when the explosion went off…!”

Violet’s eyes widened. “Oh, this is bad. Gems retreat into their gem to heal and create a new body for themselves if they get hurt enough. We have to find Armenus so she can regenerate in the PPC, not here.”

Sarah, however, was staring off into the distance. There was a grim expression on her face, but she wasn’t panicking.

“She’ll be back,” she said finally.

Aiko looked at Sarah in surprise. “W-what!? Do you really mean that? But… how is that possible? I-I saw her… She was pierced all over and then just disappeared. So how can she…?”

“I know this show, and I know Lapis Armenus Lazuli. She won’t just die on us if she can help it. We won’t need to look for her, because sooner or later, she’ll find us. Besides, I don’t think regenerating while in her gem disguise will affect how she appears in HQ, eh?”

“All we have to do is wait for her, right?” asked Seung-Li.

Sarah nodded. “Come on, gang. Let’s clean up the rest of this mess.”

She turned and began leading the group away from the crater. Halfway to the parked warship, however, she saw a glint in the sand and began moving a little faster. Upon reaching the gem, she knelt down to get a closer look.

It was orange, and oval shaped.

“Huh,” she said. “Weren’t we supposed to get rid of all three of them?”

“Yes, we were. I don’t even know how she survived that in any form,” said Aiko.

“Ooooo, we’d better pick her up,” said Violet. “We don’t need two non-canon Gems running around Beach City.”

“Wait, so you’re sparing her?” asked Seung-Li. “I know she’s another citrine, but that’s not the issue…”

“My team decided that out of all the replacements, Gem!Nami did the least wrong,” Ami explained. She carefully picked up the citrine and rubbed sand off of it. “Where can we put Gem!Nami until she regenerates?”

Sarah thought about it for a moment and then smiled. “I think I know a place. But can you hold that thought? We’ve got some more gems to kill.”

“You think we have enough power left to get the mad scientist Gems the same way?” asked Violet. “I’d like to avoid fighting an advanced alien race directly if at all possible.”

“Why not just send a message to the Foot Ship listing the charges?” asked Sarah. “Then we can get the bit gems to assimilate, and pull a Michael Bay on that thing!”

“A who?” said Ami.

“Oh, nothing.”

“I don’t think the other OCs will be willing to listen to us just from a message,” Violet pointed out. “Can we even let them assimilate knowing that they technically killed three canon characters?”

“And what about the plot holes Canon!Nami, Canon!Mirajane, and Canon!Hinata are stuffed in?” asked Seung-Li. “You guys will need to take care of those, too.”

Violet rolled her eyes. “I know that. The point is that the others committed too many charges for assimilation to work. Let’s just blow them up, get the other canons where they belong, and go home.”

“Sounds like a plan!” said Sarah. “But wait… I know we need to deal with the Beach City residents and the like, but what about Gem!Nami? Who’s going to —?”

“I’ll take her,” said Seung-Li. “I’m bringing the ship back to HQ anyway, so I might as well save you girls the trouble.”

Sarah sighed in relief. “Thanks, Seung-Li. I owe you one.”

Ki nana, who had also managed to avoid the Hand Ship’s fire, stabbed someone in the ankle with a pitchfork. “OW!”

“Behave yourself,” Ami scolded.

“Yeah… I’ll just take the Hand Ship over to wherever they are,” said Violet. “Seung-Li, your team covered chapter ten, right? I’ll need you to navigate for me.”

The Citrine took the, uh, citrine from Ami and shrugged. “Eh, what the hell.”

While the agents prepared to head off, Home world the mini-Centipeetle crept out of her own hiding place. She took one look at the mini-Demon’s pitchfork, and then seized it in her jaws. The two minis engaged in a tug-of-war with the implement before Home world wrenched it out of Ki nana’s hands. A moment later, the angry mini-Demon lunged at Home world, starting a violent scuffle with the bug-like mini in a bid to get the pitchfork back.

 

**********

 

Meanwhile, in the lab from Chapter Ten, Maxixe and her three cohorts were cleaning up. They hadn’t yet received new orders from Homeworld to investigate such-and-such a planet, and the conversion process left a lot of debris inside and outside the tanks.

Then the lab’s intercom buzzed loudly. “ _Ouch, mic feedback. Uh… testing, testing, one, two, one, two. Thompson is in trouble, Charlie Brown.”_

"What the?" asked Maxixe, listening to but not comprehending what the intercom was saying.

 _“Good, whatever Seung-Li did worked. Maxixe, Danburite, Eudialyte, and Amazonite, by order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are all hereby convicted of the following crimes: Kidnapping three canon characters from three different worlds, using_ highly _questionable science to convert them into Gems…”_

"How do you know this?!" Danburite cried.

“ _Implying that you are all also replacements of canon characters, creating a non-canon type of Gem ship, being Mary Sues by proxy, and in Maxixe’s case, having a borderline unpronounceable name that doesn’t fit the Gems’ aesthetic. Your sentence is death, and don’t think I can’t do it, either.”_

"You and what army?" Asked Amazonite.

_“Don’t need one. As much as I’d love to flip you three off while killing you, the weapons panel is in the index finger… which, incidentally, should be going off in three, two…”_

The gems all looked at each other in a sudden panic. Needless to say, their screams didn’t last very long before the Foot Ship exploded.

Inside the stolen Hand Ship, Violet looked over the cloud of debris carefully. “I hope we can still find the plotholes,” she said. “Are there even ways to rescue people from outer space in a Hand Ship?”

That was when they heard several faint, confused voices somewhere behind them, as though a bunch of people were waking up. Seung-Li’s eyebrows rose.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” they said. “The plot holes weren’t on board the Foot Ship. They were here on the _Forest Fairy_ the entire time.”

Violet, guided by her gem, followed the voices until she’d reached the entrance to the garden room. Three identical plot holes were in front of it. She poked her head into the first hole. “Hello, can you hear me in there?”

“Boa?” said Canon!Nami. “They got you, too?”

“Boa’s fine. My name is Violet.” She stuck her arm in. “Take my hand. I can get you back to your crew and the Grand Line.”

Canon!Nami brightened, and allowed Violet to pull her out of the plot hole. “Where am I, anyway?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” said Violet. She helped Canon!Hinata and Canon!Mirajane out of their respective plot holes, too. “OK, ladies, I know this is incredibly weird, but I need you to follow me back to the bridge. I promise you’ll all go home soon, I just need to talk to my coworker.”

Once she arrived back at the bridge, she left the canons outside and entered the room. “OK, Seung-Li, I found the canons. They’re really confused but not hurt. You think we owe them a trip to FicPsych?”

“Yeah, I think that would be a good idea. In the meantime I’ll just stand over here and fly this thing back to Earth’s atmosphere. No way are we gonna get anything in DoSAT sucked into space.”

“Gotcha. I’ll portal back to FicPsych and meet you once you’re in atmo,” said Violet.

“Whatever you say, Vi. Next stop, DoSAT!”

 

**********

 

_Why?_

_Why did I do that?_

_I should be dead. I shouldn’t be healing, I shouldn’t be existing, I shouldn’t even be…_

_But here I am. It’s how it works in here. Is this it, or is this a second chance?_

_Do I deserve a second chance?_

_I could’ve left her to die. I hated her. She hated me. And yet I chose to save her. Save her at my own expense. Should I have?_

_Of course I should. We may have been angry with each other, but when I saw her there, about to die… I remembered_ him.  _I remembered the pain of his loss, the pain of being able to do nothing to stop it. But here, I_ could  _stop it. I could save her._

 _I_ did  _save her._

 _I did not want to lose another one. Not after I lost_  him. _No matter how I felt about her, how she felt about me… death at the hands of a Suvian would be too much for her. For anyone._

_I thought her contempt towards me was all I know of her. But when I saw her about to be impaled, in that one brief instance, I saw a different side of her. A side that feared for her life…_

_I looked at her, and saw the exact same terror I felt when I faced people far stronger than me. In that one brief instant… she felt exactly the same fear I would feel if I was in the same situation._

_It was like… like I was seeing myself about to die._

_Are she and I more alike than we thought? If that’s the case, then… then…_

_Oh. Oh,_ no.

_She was only trying to survive the badfic and return home alive. Just like everyone else. Just like me. And I treated her so, so badly._

_Did I treat everyone else this horribly, too? My own partners, my friends, even_ that ableist Homs _…_

_No. That is not who I am. That is not who I should be. Not now, not ever._

_I was a bitter, callous jerk. I disrespected everyone close to me, and treated everyone like shit. This is why they’re mad at me. This is why they have lost faith in me as an agent, as a_ person. _Maybe I should just remain here forever, and let the world move on without me…_

 _No._ No.  _That is not what I should think. I lost everyone I cared for, and everything I knew. But even when life turned upside down… there were those willing to help. When I lost my hand, my partners were there. When I told of my loss to my friend's partner, she was willing to listen. And now when I lost my temper and nearly flooded Beach City… not everyone wanted me gone. There were those who wanted to help. And if I do nothing, if I cease to be, they will never forgive themselves for their failure to save me._

_But who could save me if they could not?_

_I wanted to say I didn’t have the answer to that. But I do now._

I  _can save myself. I can make up for what I did wrong. I can set things right, for me and for everyone._

_Dr. Appleday was right. I cannot change who I am._

But I can change who I choose to be.

 

********************

 

**Post-Mission**

 

_Several neuralyzations and portals later…_

 

Makes-Things was minding his own business when his communicator went off. He picked it up and answered it. “What is it? Go away!”

_“Hey, it’s Seung-Li. Remember the message I sent you a couple of hours ago?”_

“Yes yes, you were getting us some tech from the _Steven Universe_ continuum. You didn’t need to tell me in person…”

_“I know. But this is a little more specific than that. Say, can we borrow the hangar for a sec?”_

Beat. “What did you _do?!_ ”

_“We may or may not have stolen an uncanonical Gem warship. We need a place to put it without flattening half of DoSAT—”_

“Don’t. Remind me. Alright, you’ve got your hangar. But try not to destroy any delicate equipment the way a certain angel did last spring.”

A girl’s voice could be heard on the other end shouting, _“Oh come on!_ ”

“Agent Greenfield?! I wasn’t referring to _you!_ ”

“ _Makes-Things, even_ I’m _tired of hearing about the truck incident by this point,_ ” said Violet. “ _If it makes you feel better, we promise not to break anything important. Or unimportant._ ”

“ _Good._ ”

A few minutes later, Makes-Things and a host of other technicians stood at the entrance to the hangar, the former bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation. They watched with bated breath for several moments before a massive portal opened up, and a giant crystalline hand reached through like that of some skyscraper-sized colossus.

The _Forest Fairy_ landed a bit awkwardly, but luckily it didn’t crash into anything else. A pod emerged from the center and rolled down the hand, eventually dissolving to reveal Violet and Seung-Li, still in their Gem disguises.

“I’m surprised that interface let us use the communicator,” said Violet, stretching her arms.

While the rest of the techies rushed forth and began crowding around the warship, Makes-Things headed over and looked at the two, arching an eyebrow. “I honestly expected you to come back with weapons, or perhaps something akin to those little droids the green Dorito used to have,” he said.

“Peridot,” replied Seung-Li.

“Yes, her. Anyway, I didn’t think you’d be able to bring, well… _that_ back with you.” He pointed at the ship.

“We take what we can find and/or liberate from dead character replacements,” said Violet. “It’s a time-honored video game character tradition.”

“Yes, but an _entire ship?_ That may be a little pushing it—”

“I don’t think I even need to remind you about the Super Truck incident,” said Seung-Li. “So no, this isn’t.”

They were met with two somewhat hostile glares, but no further argument.

“Is there anything in there we can look into?” Makes-Things asked a moment later. “Aside from the ship itself, I think?”

“Yeah, there’s a non-canon garden room somewhere inside,” said Violet. “You’ll know it when you see it; it’s got a tangerine tree.”

Seung-Li shrugged as if to say “I don’t even know anymore”.

“Huh. Well, I guess that’s important,” asked Makes-Things. “So, are there any more you plan to bring in?”

Violet shrugged. “Nope. There was also something called a Foot Ship, but we blew it up along with its crew of four mad scientist OCs.”

“Oh. Well, we all make sacrifices, I guess. Now, can I go back to my desk? I’m busy!”

“You always are,” replied Seung-Li. “Oh, actually… Can I have the rest of the evening off?”

He stared at them. “What?!”

“I was invited by some friends to a weekend out, and I owe them one. They helped me secure this thing, after all,” they added, waving towards the _Forest Fairy._

“But Kim, I thought you were supposed to —”

He was met by a look that would have peeled the logo right off the warship. “Makes-Things, please. I spend ten hours a day alternating between combing through thousands of lines of computer code in the hopes of getting it to run properly, struggling to repair damaged equipment, taking apart and reassembling devices to see what makes them tick, and all three at once. So for the love of all that is holy, do _not_ treat me like I’m some kind of maintenance machine that doesn’t need to sleep, let alone socialize. I may be a nerd, but I’m not _that_ kind of nerd.”

Violet raised an eyebrow and smiled wryly.

Makes-Things looked offended, but then again, that was pretty much his default expression. He looked at them both and then sighed. “Very well, then. But you do realize that you’re supposed to be back here by Monday morning? That AT-RT isn’t gonna repair itself!”

“Whatever you say, _Dad_.”

“Good to know I’m not the only agent who makes dumb jokes about her superiors,” said Violet.

Seung-Li winked at her before returning to Makes-Things. “Oh, and if you see an orange girl in your labs tomorrow, go easy on her.”

Makes-Things raised an eyebrow. “Um, why?”

Seung-Li fished an orange gemstone from their pocket, and then handed it to the older technician with a dry smirk. “Because she’s gonna be in for a helluva nasty shock when she wakes up.”

 

**********

 

Agent Lapis staggered through the portal back into the bleak, generic RC she called home. She shut said portal behind her without a second thought, her mind unfocused. What had _happened_ to her over the last few hours? She had no idea, but she certainly didn’t want to find out.

The first thing she did was go to the bathroom. And let out a noise of total dismay. A blue-haired anime-style girl stared back at her, but said blue hair was a total mess. It’d take ages to fix it, and more importantly, she had no idea how the heck what were once her hair buns and pigtails had gotten so tangled and unruly in the first place.

Still, this was the same Lapis, all right. Same hair color, same large blue eyes, same clothing, same shark-like teeth.

So why did she feel like she was looking at a completely different person?

Whatever, she figured. Sarah could always fix up her hair for her. Come to think of it, where _was_ she? Weren’t they supposed to have a slumber party tonight?

For a second time, Lapis shrugged internally. Sarah and the others would probably be back soon from whatever they were doing. So why not simply wait for them?

With that comforting thought, she set the RA on the console desk and settled down to do some regular Internet brow—

 _Wait,_ she thought.

_Wait a moment._

_This is_ not _my RA._

Picking up the device again, she turned it over a few times in her hands and then realized, to her horror, that it was Ami’s. And then she remembered where she and the pony had been before.

“Arceus’ majestic hat hair, they’re still in Beach City!” she cried.

Lapis didn’t stop to think. She dialed a portal, grabbed the RA, and bolted through.

Once again, she was Armenus. And her pigtails were still two huge messes. But unbeknownst to her, they were also noticeably shorter than they had been before. And her armor had taken on a darker tint, with more angular features, almost like obsidian in some of the corners.

Fixing her hair would have to wait, though. She found herself at the beach near where the Crystal Gems lived, so she quickly surveyed the beach around her. There was a massive crater in the sand, about a half mile away from her spot. Steven’s house was much closer, and she could hear his laughter as he watched _Little Butler_ inside.

Apparently, the fic had been cleaned up in her absence. She was slightly annoyed by this, but that didn’t matter. Her friends were still alive, at least. Now, if she could only find them and give the RA back to Ami.

A half-hour of searching later, she found herself near the Frybo place, and there they were, having a solemn meal together. There was one tray with some fry bits, a shake, and a hamburger still in its wrapping, as though intended for someone missing.

So, naturally, she went up to the group, held up Ami’s RA and said, “I believe one of you dropped this.”

“PI!” Sarah cried, standing up and rushing over to give her a hug. “Pi, Pi, _Piiii!_ What took you so long?”

“Hey,” replied the blue gem, blushing a little at her old nickname. “Sorry I’m late. I went to get a blood test, fell asleep at Medical, and had a horrible nightmare. We were pitted against three anime girl gems, and I was a huge jerk to everyone, and Gem!Hinata was trying to kill us…”

Sarah broke off from her partner. “I’ll bet,” she grumbled. “You wouldn’t believe how _long_ it took to neuralyze the Beach City citizens without flying! Thor’s beard, my feet are still _killing_ me…”

Armenus looked down at her armor, and let the RA fall to the table. “ _Bozi tghah_ , it was real!”

“Thank Celestia you’re OK!” cried Ami, taking her RA back. “I was so worried when we couldn’t find your gem after taking out Miragem and Gem!Hinata!”

“It was _real_ ,” Armenus repeated, her voice faint with horror.

“Sit down and eat your burger,” said Violet. “Don’t worry, we saved you some fry bits, too.”

Armenus looked at the food, and then sighed. But when she sat down, she pushed the tray away. “How long was I out?”

“A couple of hours,” said Sarah. “We cleaned up the badfic while you were gone. You’re not hungry, eh?”

Armenus shook her head. “I wish I could say that. But gems technically don’t need to eat.”

“Still tastes really good, though,” said Violet, before taking a massive bite of her burger.

Armenus frowned, but then she decided to pull her tray back to her. She picked up her own burger and took a huge bite of her own, just to humor Sarah.

“It’s not that, though,” she said after she’d swallowed. “You know one good thing about gem regeneration?”

Seung-Li spoke this time. “That it shuts you up until you feel better?”

“Actually, it _does_ ,” said Armenus. “Being stuck in that little gem, too hurt to manifest as anything more, gave me plenty of time to think. And I’ve come to a conclusion.”

“And what would that be?” asked Aiko.

Armenus put the burger down and gave them a look of steely conviction. “I’m done with being a coward, and I’m done with being an asshole.”

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Um, what? Armenus, are you trying to put on a front or something? Because I know next time the console goes off you’ll scream in terror and jump onto the nearest vertical object.”

Armenus looked her dead in the eye. “That’s not what I meant, although I’m done with that, too. What I was _trying_ to say was that I ended up here, in the PPC, because I ran away from my problems, my past, my everything. And up until now I tried to pretend they didn’t exist. It wasn’t being a Sue that was my biggest mistake, it was failing to understand what that really meant — and more importantly, failing to move on from it, too.”

“That’s pretty deep…” said Violet with a mouthful of fries.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” said Ami.

“Whatever, _Mom_.”

“So, Armenus,” said Sarah, “you’re not going to whine about your trajeck backstory anymore, eh?”

The blue gem shook her head. “It’s in the past now. The waterbending, though, won’t be. And neither will the rest of my nature as, well, a walking crossover.”

“I thought you didn’t like that part of you?” asked Seung-Li, before blowing a bubble of gum.

Armenus laughed a little. “Well, to use the words of a certain pixellated ghost, _‘You can’t change who you are.’_ ”

“ _‘The sooner you realize that, the better off you and your life will be’_ ,” finished Sarah. “Wow. Well, I knew you had it in you. I’m proud. Really!”

“It’s nothing,” said Armenus. “I’ll have to talk to Nurse Chan about the waterbending, though, because honestly, I could use some practice. Okay, a _lot_ of practice. I’d say a year working for the PPC has made me pretty rusty.”

Just then, there was a sudden _pop_ right next to Armenus’ ear. She yelped in alarm, but this time, her reaction wasn’t over the top. “ _Hey!_ ”

“Funny,” said Seung-Li, wiping the gum off their face. “I was honestly hoping you’d jump _out_ of your chair.”

Ami put a hand over her mouth to hide her giggles. “I’m sorry… it’s just… you should’ve seen your face!”

Armenus couldn’t help but laugh herself. “The leaping onto people’s heads when startled was a habit that I should’ve left behind after I lost my arm, to be honest. Another good thing about regeneration: your personality also changes a little. And hopefully for the better, in my case.”

“Well, you’re alive, eh?” asked Sarah. “To me, to _us_ , that’s all that matters.”

Armenus looked down at her prosthetic hand and sighed. “Honestly, though? That’s so much more than I deserve. I am _so_ sorry, girls and androgynous gem. For everything.”

“Took you long enough,” said Seung-Li. Sarah nudged them in the ribs.

“Apology accepted,” said Violet. “And for the record, _I’m_ sorry I accidentally invited your rival, even though you got some nice character development out of it.”

“No worries, Vi,” replied Armenus. “You did the right thing. For both of us.”

“She did?” Aiko asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. “How did you figure that out?”

“Well…” Armenus glanced down at her own gem. “While I was regenerating, I was thinking. How did everything go so horribly wrong in the first place? And to tell you the truth, this entire mess was all my fault from start to finish. From the argument leading to the console going off, to my anger nearly flooding the town, and let’s not get into how our execution attempt went south.”

Ami smiled. “I told you you were making progress on the empathy thing.”

Aiko looked for a moment as though she’d agree, but when she spoke again, her tone remained upset. “Maybe, but not enough. That was not all she did, was it?”

Armenus looked away from her. “No, not at all. Looking back, my biggest mistake was insulting Aiko’s family. That was tasteless and uncalled for on every level and I wanted to apologize to Aiko for it earlier, but… well, you know what happened.”

Sarah cringed. “I heard.”

“Yeah,” said Aiko. “That was horrible to watch. And to think you would sacrifice yourself for me even though we both hated each other, it was just…”

“My point, Aiko, is that I am absolutely sorry for all the utter _shit_ I spouted tonight,” said Armenus. “And for being such an impulsive brat when confronted by you many times before. I know your jealousy complicated things back then, but responding to it with anger and resentment was my mistake, and I take full responsibility for it.”

Armenus wiped a tear from her eye and sniffled. “I know we can’t ever be true friends, not in the same way as me and my partners. But I hope you can forgive me for everything, because Arceus, I’ll n-never forgive m-myself…!” She covered her face, now sobbing in earnest.

With tears of her own quickly starting to spill over, Aiko moved closer and gently placed a  hand on Armenus’ shoulder. “I… I’m not blameless in all of this, as I’m sure you all know. You hurt me, yes, but I’ve gotta recognize that I pushed you too far and have been doing so for a while. So… I know that is not gonna be easy, but I want to be done with all this resentment between us. I have done things to you that I can’t forgive myself for, too, but… Well, let’s try our best to put it in the past. So, yes, with all my heart, I forgive you.”

Armenus uncovered her face and stared at Aiko, her eyes wide with shock. A moment later, she wiped a tear from her cheek, but the corners of her mouth were turned upwards.

And then, to the surprise of everyone including herself, she hugged Aiko. “I… I don’t know what to say. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Sarah idly took out her C-CAD and pointed it at Armenus. Upon seeing the 0% OOC reading, she grinned at Aiko and mouthed, “Told you.”

Violet applauded. “Well done, ladies! Well done indeed!”

“I should write a letter to the Princess about this,” Ami mused.

Aiko hugged Armenus back for a while, and then gently released her. “You’re welcome,” she said, with both a wide grin and a determined gaze. “You know, I’m definitely happy we will probably get over all that, but don’t get me wrong. We may not be the bitter kind of rivals, or at least are striving not to be now, but we’re still rivals. We don’t have to be enemies to be that, after all. So, even if we’re trying to be nicer to each other now, I believe we still have a contest to settle.”

Armenus nearly choked on another bite of burger. “Oh, thanks for reminding me!” she said after she’d managed to swallow. “I’d like to have a _proper_ battle with you sometime. Without any pointless conflicts over each other’s personal lives, mind you. Well, after I finish my burger.”

“Yeah, I think I might actually, well… enjoy it then,” Aiko replied. “Without us being totally irrational and having our respective partners rebel on us… Yeah, I would like that.” Apparently, she realized then that she had given too much away, for in the next moment, she said even more determinedly, “Last time wasn’t a proper victory for me, after all. So yeah, let’s do it again, and I will beat you for real this time!”

Armenus polished off the last of her burger and several fry bits for good measure. “Excellent. Well, Aiko, next time you’ve got some spare time, let me know ASAP so we can meet in the Courtyard. Then we’ll see who’s the better battler!”

“Now, _that’s_ the kind of Pi I’d like to hear, eh?” said Sarah, grinning from ear to ear as she stood up. “All righty, then! Who’s up for some Beach City _shopping?_ ”

Violet squeed her approval.

Aiko had a bright and warm grin as she replied. “That would be nice, after all we have been through today. Say, let’s make this our real and actually enjoyable girl’s night out, shall we?”

“I don’t see why not,” said Ami, smiling.

“Count me in,” added Seung-Li, giving the others two thumbs up.

And best of all, for the first time since she’d set foot on Beach City, Lapis Armenus had a genuine smile on her face. “Yes, _please!_ ”

 

* * *

 

Rescued characters:

  * Gem!Nami (Citrine. She resembles Canon!Nami but with orange-tinted skin and clothing; her gem is on her left shoulder.)



Rescued minis:

  * _Steven Universe_ (mini-Centipeetles):
    * Home world (adopted by SkarmorySilver)
    * Home World
    * Peal (adopted by eatpraylove)
  * _Naruto_ (mini-Kuramas):
    * Charka
  * _One Piece_ (mini-Sea Kings):
    * Belle Mere
    * name
  * _Fairy Tail_ (mini-Demons):
    * Ki nana (adopted by eatpraylove)
  * _Pokémon_ (mini-Missingno:)
    * Pokemon Rubmle World (pixel form)



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh. My. _Gawds._ This fic was, for all intents and purposes, a monumental mess! It was also much, much longer than what we covered, and this mission is a biggun as it is, but we were all displeased enough with the fic that we didn’t care. I would have included concrit but you know what? I think our characters explained everything within the mission itself. :P
> 
> That being said, though, I guess I may have to provide some context for the decision to spare Gem!Nami. Early on in the fic we wondered if convicting the gem replacements was really worth it since they were, at first glance, imitations of canon characters rather than being outright Suvian. Having taken a look at the fic, however, we soon came to grips with the fact that Gem!Hinata and Miragem at least had committed too many crimes against the canon. Based on analysis of the fic and comparisons with the source material, the only one of the three who fit our original suspicion was probably Gem!Nami, who was closer to her canon counterpart than the other two and didn’t influence the canon as much. I did express a few doubts about this decision, but I’ve been able to get a few slightly more extreme cases to work in the past, and I hope her new owner can do the same. I don’t plan to write Gem!Nami myself — I already have more than enough agents as it is — but I can promise that she’ll be in good hands when she recovers.
> 
> Oh, and a word about Lapis as a gem. I was told by one of our betas that an obvious concern was Lapis becoming a gem permanently given what happened. To be honest, I have to disagree. Gem regeneration isn’t the same as Time Lord regeneration. Gems don’t magically become new people when they retreat into their gems, because they do that to heal off damage to their bodies, as demonstrated by Pearl the first time it happened. That’s not the same as dying and being reborn; think of it more as a stay in Medical put on fast forward. And anyway, Lapis becoming a gem, while a planned future for her at one point, was scrapped for two reasons: one, it would be a total cop-out running counter to her character growth and self-discovery, especially of her nature as a Pokémon trainer/Avatar-verse waterbender; and two, such a move would basically be copying off the Aviator, and I have had a very bad history of people accusing me of plagiarism before, so no, I don’t want that. Hence, I wrote in an extra tidbit highlighting that Lapis’ default species has remained unchanged, and she will remain human in future appearances — though the gemsona may come back in a future Steven Universe mission. Who knows?
> 
> Clocking in at a whopping **60** pages in total without this Author’s Note or the supporting illustrations, this mission is, as of the time of publication, my second longest after my very first posted mission, and the longest co-write I’ve done to date. It took over a month to finish it, what with scheduling problems affecting everybody and making it impossible for all three of us to work together at the same time, but I’m happy that we got it done regardless and that we all got something out of it in the end — the only thing that could’ve made this better was if I’d finished it in time for my two-year Boarder anniversary, but Real Life and my head had other ideas. Oh well. Anyway, I have to thank eatpraylove and James for working alongside me to give this fic a piece of our collective mind. You’re awesome, you two, and I look forward to seeing more of your characters in the future. :D
> 
> This is the last you’ll be hearing from my DIC agents for a good long while, by the way. I’ve got plans for some of my other characters… BIG plans. Mwahahahaha! >;3
> 
> —SkarmorySilver
> 
> eatpraylove’s A/N: Yay, Steven Universe! Ugh, implausible four-way crossovers. Yay, Ami and Violet got a solo adventure! (If Chris and Miguel had one at the same time, it will forever remain a Noodle Incident.) Yay, character development! I’m glad I could contribute something to this mission: I haven’t watched One Piece or Fairy Tail nearly as recently as I’ve watched Steven Universe (I basically binge-watched season one to prepare for this mission LOL), so I was worried Ami and/or Violet would be left in the dust. Luckily, I have access to the wikis for both shows. Obligatory thanks to my coauthors for bringing me in, sorry for the spoilers but you knew those were coming anyway… hopefully next time we won’t have to make it a two-parter. :P
> 
> James Shields’ A/N: Authors above, this thing was a right mess! But it sure was fun sending Aiko solo into something like this, especially with Lapis around. It was great working with you two, Skarmory and epl. I had tons of fun writing this, for sure. I hope I get the chance to work with either of you, maybe both of you, again in the future.


End file.
